6.29.2009

Is a Vacation Possible?

Brad and I are currently set to leave for the Northeast Wednesday afternoon. I'll be honest, I'm doing so with some hesitation. Do I want a week off from work? Of course! Do I want a week with the husband, just he and I traveling new territory that we have yet to explore in this great land of ours? An even bigger yes!

I have one worry, and it's my health. I try to ignore it, work around it, live around it. But then I have days like last Saturday where a simple couple hours at the mall ruined the entire weekend and sent me into an enormous "pain spiral." By the time we left I was in so much pain I honestly thought I would end up passed out on the floor of the mall. I have my stubbornness to thank for getting me to the car, but once I was there I gave the keys to Brad, sat in the passenger chair, closed my eyes and prayed for a brief coma...the only thing where I could still be alive but not feel pain, or so I think.

I'm definitely worried about the trip. The car ride - piece of cake. We're taking the new '10 Corolla, and it's comfortable and has a lot of different entertainment options. I also will have my partner in crime - Brad - right next to me. What I'm worried about is anything out of the car. Will I be able to handle sitting through my brother's musical? Will I actually be able to walk the estate grounds of President John Adams without the use of a wheelchair? Simple things, yet any of these could completely take me out of commission. And while I try to ignore it, I couldn't ignore what occurred Saturday. I was down for the count the rest of the day, and couldn't be on my feet for more than a few minutes on Sunday. That was after just two hours at a mall.

I'm certainly not going to pull out of the trip, but it certainly has my mind reeling about what I can and can't do. The last thing I want is to ruin the trip in any way, and I want to make the most of this week I'll have with my husband. I also want to make sure I'm not just limited to seeing things out of a car window. It will certainly be a balancing act, and I must do everything I can to make it successful and as painless as possible.

I did finally make hotel reservations Friday, and got some good deals. The bad news (for the economy) is that most of the hotels seem to have a lot of vacancies. It's good news for us though, since I get to take advantage of my Marriott Gold status and should get upgrades to concierge level rooms and several deals hotels were offering. We'll be spending Wednesday in Scranton, PA; Thursday & Friday in Quincy, MA (south of Boston); Saturday & Sunday in Providence, RI; and Monday in Syracuse, NY. This will officially put us in three new states we have never been to, and for me leaves only six states that I have not been to in the continental 48 states - Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, North Carolina, South Carolina & Louisiana. We'll be somewhat close to the first three so it's possible we could hit them during this trip, but I doubt it. Must save something for another time.

6.26.2009

RIP - Michael Jackson, "King of Pop"

That's the headline that is making the news, and will likely be something that is talked about for a long time. People are saying it's like when Elvis or Marilyn Munroe died; young, before their time, unexpected. I always thought MJ would not live to be an old man, and honestly thought he would have been gone by now, but June 25, 2009 was his day. Some people you just see and you know they aren't going to make it to their 80's, 90's, and he was one of them.

I haven't been a fan of MJ since all of the allegations, weird behaviors, etc. that came in the late 1980's, early 90's. However, there is no denying the impact he had on music culture, and was a huge part of my childhood. In the early 1980's there were two huge names - MJ and Madonna. Madonna is a different type of icon - she isn't the best singer, but she's a performer and goes for shock value. She seems like the type who will live a long life. MJ, however, was a performer and a genuine artist. He had the voice, he understood music, and with every new song he put out there was a new adventure, a new twist, a new sound. When the song and video "Thriller" came out, it was life changing. It was the first music video I saw, and it was just something you could not get enough of. It was brilliant, and unlike anything that came before it. I would say that there has not been another one like it, though many have tried and come close.

These next weeks, months, years will be interesting. It will be filled with stories, accusations. It could likely become the next "Anna Nicole Smith" with stories of people around him allowing him to be self destructive with his behavior and lifestyle. Today, the day after, most people seem to remember the Michael they knew in the 70's and 80's; the not-so-good stuff appears to be forgotten for now, and are mere footnotes. His early death has made him a bigger legend than what he already was, and that was pretty huge. Sometimes the stars that shine the brightest fizzle out before the others that are more dim. He was certainly a bright star.

While I was not a MJ fan of anything he did from 1990 on, I have always acknowledged his contribution to music prior to that, and you cannot listen to a song from that time and not have it take you back to your younger years. Singing, dancing to the music with friends and family. Watching the videos on MTV. Going for the jukebox at the local Pizza Hut and selecting his songs. Never got into the glove or jacket, but I know several who did. It was a good time, at least from my perspective and memory of my younger years.

People are saying they will remember where they were when they heard the news. I'm not so sure...maybe I will too, but my memory is not what it used to be. So for the electronic record, I was in an executive committee meeting at work. One of the members pulled out his phone as he received a text message, and out loud he read that "Michael Jackson just died from cardiac arrest." There were some "Really?" comments, a few seconds of silence. Then it was back to work, though I got the feeling that those of us who grew up with his music were a little distracted after that. People - including myself - started going online with their phones while somewhat listening to the conversation to see the news for themselves. I was one of them, and it took me about five different sites before I finally got one to load and see the new for myself.

6.18.2009

Wednesday, June 17

So yesterday I turned in my '06 Corolla S for the new '10 version. Selfish, I know. In actuality, when looking at the numbers it was a pretty practical move, despite the small selfishness involved in wanting the new technology. Remember, I drive about 65 miles a day; I need something to help keep me entertained!

The oddest thing occurred though, and I just had to post it here for the record.

When I got my '06 car, my Grandpa G. had been diagnosed with leukemia and given 1-2 weeks to live. He lived almost three months, but I've covered that whole story in my previous post. Anyway, when I got my '06 car and was bringing it home there was a Nickelback song that was big on the airwaves called "Photograph." Something about that song really hit me at that time, especially a few lines in particular that were in the song that were going through my mind at the time. Like "I miss that town, I miss their faces, you can't erase, you can't replace it. I miss it now, I can't believe it, so hard to stay, so hard to leave it." The line "Every memory of looking out the back door" and picturing my grandpa at the back door of the house waiting to give us all huge hugs and kisses the moment we entered. "Every memory of walking out the front door", and remembering how hard and sad it was to leave him and my grandma, since I spent most of my life living several hours (minimum) away from them. The hardest was walking out the door on Christmas Eve 2005 when I knew I would never see him again alive.

So in 2005 and into 2006, every time that song came on I would tear up and sometimes find myself outright crying. I'm not a person who cries a lot, but just hearing a few sounds of that song would do it. To this day I occasionally hear it; sometimes I listen and think back, and other times I change the channel and avoid thinking about that horrible time.

On my trip into work on Wednesday, June 17, I found the song on my iPod and played it as part tribute, part closure to a chapter. No tears, just thankfulness for the memories and time I had with those I've loved and lost. When Brad and I got to the dealership and I was getting out of my '06, I told him how I remembered how Grandpa was all excited about the new car, how he had asked me to describe it, when I was getting it. We checked to make sure everything was out and went inside the dealership.

When I got into my new car, Brad and I were waiting for the temp tag paperwork to be completed so we started fidgeting with the car. While he was looking under the hood, I turned on the car radio. It was set to an AM station, so I hit the FM button and it took me to a local station. And right there, at that moment, was that Nickelback song. Is it fate? Maybe. There are thousands of songs and lots of radio stations, so the fact that song would be on around 7:15pm that night on that particular channel is unusual. But I must say, at that moment it was almost like a sign from my Grandpa, letting me know that he'd still be with me, new car and all.

A horrifically corny post, but the whole thing was just so odd that I had to acknowledge it. Bye-bye '06 car, welcome new one. May I have many thousands of enjoyable miles driving it.

6.15.2009

October 3, 2005

The title might be misleading, as today is actually Monday, June 15, 2009. But there are two similarities. On October 3, 2005, I was at the auto dealership in Brunswick ordering myself a new Corolla to replace my 1994 one. My original Corolla was an LE, Sunfire Red Pearl with a sunroof, great memories and about 180,000 miles. It lasted me 11 years, and by 2005 it became evident that it was time to either give up the car or get ready to spend big bucks getting things like the transmission replaced. And who wouldn't want a new car after 11 years?

It might seem by reading that simple paragraph that it was a happy day, but it was anything but. In fact, when I look back it was one of those "Top 10 most life changing moments" days. Not because of the car, but because of the call I got at 4:30pm that day, about 30 minutes before I left work.

My Grandpa Grimm had been taken to the hospital, and the diagnosis at the time was potential leukemia. He had suffered all summer from bad health, which was unlike him. He was 82 years strong, still farming, still full of life. Though I hadn't seen him since Christmas 2004, I was constantly getting updates and knew he was having undiagnosed issues. Things came to a head on Monday, October 3.

I already had the appointment at the dealership scheduled, and I was still in shock. Brad and I went, and soon after we sat down I got a call on the cell from my mom. I left the chair, leaving Brad to finalize the deal. I went outside, and it was at Brunswick Auto Mall that I found out that my grandpa had leukemia, and a short time to live. Further tests had to be done to determine how long he had, but it was a shocking and devastating diagnosis.

My Grandpa Grimm meant the world to me. Up until that point, in 2005, things had not gone well starting with Jan. 1 of the new year. By this point I had gone through my first back surgery and it was evident that something had failed. I have yet to recover from what that did to me. The day I went back to work after the surgery Brad was let go from him job. We had bought a new house less than a month prior, had a surgery bill that we had to pay for 100% as it was too new to be covered, and I had a sucky job that didn't pay a darn. My Grandpa Suntken had been in and out of the hospital, and didn't know who any of us were any more. He had a brush with death in September that year (before eventually passing away on Nov. 10). There were many other things, but it was just the year that nothing went right and everything seemed to fall apart. And honestly, I still don't think I've recovered from it.

So what is all of this about? Well, today I'm heading over to Brunswick Auto Mall and doing the paperwork for a new Corolla. Since I got my 2006 version on Oct. 19, 2005, I've logged 75,000 miles and one heck of a ride in life. I never realized it until I got in a test car this weekend, but since I got the 2006 model things in life have been more negative than positive. Is the car jinxed? Maybe. Oh heck, I know it's not. But it is a reminder of that horrible day when I found out about Grandpa, and I've never been the same since. If you knew him you would know why I feel this way. I always felt his love, support, and I knew he had my back. Losing him was one of the worst days of my life. Seeing him go through what he had to for almost three months just compounded everything, though it makes me happy to know he made it to his favorite day of the year - Christmas Eve. It was the last time I saw him and spoke to him before he died about three days later.

In a small way it's sad I'll be parting with the 2006 model, because I remember my Grandpa asking me about when I was getting it and what it was like. After he died I often found my hand in the passenger seat while driving home, in a fist, like I was holding an invisible hand. I honestly had never done it before he died. It reminded me of my last time with him, his left hand holding my right one on the couch in the living room on the farm. I felt like he was right there in the car with me, supporting me. I feel like he's always been there...going to/from doctor to doctor, getting bad news about my health on the phone, and sometimes just giving me the strength to keep pushing that gas peddle to get where I need to go, even if I'd rather be at home suffering quietly.

I will say the new 2010 model is a throwback to happier times for me. I'm sticking with the dark grey, S-series, but this time I'm going with a '94 Corolloa feature - a sunroof. Well, actually a moon roof, but my first car had the sunroof. The moment I got in a test car with that moon roof and opened it, I felt this immediate flashback to happier times. It reminded me of being in my old Corolla with friends, when my Grandpa's were still alive, and I was traveling, being young and enjoying life.

I'm not going to the dealership without my own obstacle this time, either. I fell at a Home Depot yesterday and did more damage to my knees and right ankle. I bought this darn cream for arthritis that I was horribly allergic to, so I've basically felt on fire for the last 26 hours. I'm hoping this isn't a sign...hopefully just the last sucky thing to happen to me with the car that hasn't brought a lot of happiness or good memories.

It will be a few weeks before I get my new car, but I should have it before heading to Cape Cod to see my brother during the 4th of July. I'm looking forward to opening the moon roof, hearing the sounds of the road with Brad by my side, and heading for a new adventure. This car has more gadgets, which is a big plus for a gal like me who spends a minimum 90 minutes in the car a day. And it's not just a car; for me it's a new path, a new start. As humans I think we have a lot of opportunities for fresh starts, and I'm looking forward to this one. May this be the start of some positive luck for a change.