Another Notch

It seems like there is always a time where the pain I'm in steps up a notch. No reason, activity or logic to it, it just happens.

Unfortunately I think it just climbed up yet another notch.

I thought that maybe I was just going through an "inflammatory" phase these last couple of weeks due to the change in weather, but have come to the conclusion that it's not a short-term thing. Unfortunately it's here to stay.

With each "notch" it eats away more at my mental strength, and this most recent increase is no exception. It's a harsh reality, but if the doctors continue to sit around and do nothing I would be shocked if I'm still able to work in a year. And for me, the person whose life once revolved around work and career, it's a tough thing to swallow.

I hope one day I can look back at all of this and know that there was a purpose behind all of the suffering. I feel that after all I've been through that I should be able to do "something" with it. Granted, things are not over yet, but...why was I meant to go through all of this if there was not a greater purpose?