12.05.2008

Falling Into Place

Thanks to the infection medication and my staying home for the last two days I am finally feeling almost "normal." I spoke with the Baltimore office today, filled them in on everything, and despite what I've been through in the last week we are set to go.

I have a lot to do in just four days, but it's probably best that I keep busy so I have little time to think about the surgery. I know that the first week is going to be the worst physical pain I've experienced, but I'm ready. I'm hopeful that removing the disc will help return me to a more normal life, and I look forward to the new chapter.

12.04.2008

Another Road Block

It turns out I had a right to be concerned about the high dose of steroids I was put on over Thanksgiving. I'm now suffering from an infection caused by the steroids, and I'm in pretty bad shape. If I don't notice a large difference between today and tomorrow, I will have to cancel the surgery on the 15th. I know it sounds like I should have more time, but I also have the vascular procedure that was to happen on the 10th, and in my condition it could never happen. My face and neck is swollen and burning, my throat is pretty swollen, I ache all over and I have a fever; I definitely would not clear for any procedure at this point. I'm also down for the count at the moment, unable to work or do anything around the house, which means I can't even prepare to be leaving next week.

I attempted to go into work yesterday and only lasted an hour before I went back home. I was so ill that I had my mom drive me to the doctor, and to the pharmacy for another prescription that is to help only one of my main symptoms - my throat. While that has helped a little, I decided to stay at home today as well, as none of my other symptoms have improved.

The problem with such a high dose of steroids in a short amount of time is that it really messes your entire body up. Everything changes in your system, including your body's defenses. My problem with the metal reaction has been that my defenses have been too strong and attacking the once healthy parts of me. Now I have no defense and I'm now I'm left with this odd infection/reaction from the drugs and their end result. From my own knowledge, and from what I've heard from medical professionals I know on a personal level who unfortunately can't treat me, the hematologist never should have put me on that high of a dosage; he should have put me on a much lower dosage for a longer period of time. My first impression of the doctor was that he was all over the place and an idiot, and I guess I was right. I don't know if he was trying to play some game, but at this point it looks like he cost me my surgery in 2008. What breaks my heart is that he normally deals with cancer patients...and I can only imagine what hell he's made their lives.

I know that what's meant to happen will happen, so if the surgery is canceled so be it. There is nothing I can do at this point.

12.02.2008

Less Than a Week

It just hit me that in exactly one week, Brad and I will be packing up the car and heading to Baltimore.

I went to the hematologist yesterday, and my platelet count was up from 13 (on 11/26) to 373. My red and white blood cell counts are messed up as well, so no wonder I feel so horrible. Though the doctor was quite scattered and didn't seem to listen to a word I said, his assistant is to be faxing over the "surgery clearance" letter today. Until I know the letter says what it needs to say I can't help but be worried, as the last thing I want is another canceled surgery date.

Though I haven't taken any steroids in 50-some hours, I'm still really struggling. I feel jumpy, yet I'm exhausted and just want to lie around and sleep. My throat is swollen and I can barely talk. My head hurts, but on a good note at least I haven't had the severe chest pains today that I had yesterday. I know that I needed to raise my platelet count, but I certainly do not feel better now than I did last Wednesday before this started. Go figure!

12.01.2008

Let's Try This Again

It appears - at least for now - that the planets are aligned and I will be having back surgery #3 & 4 on Monday, December 15 in Baltimore.

I have approval from my boss to take off and everything is booked at the hospital. Now I just need to get past my hematologist appointment in an hour and a half and then all of the pieces will be in place. Well, at least most of the pieces, as the family and I need to work out travel schedules, hotels, etc.

The steroids I was taking this weekend to raise my platelet count have made me feel just awful, but I'm just hoping that it didn't do anything negative to my system. I still need the official clearance letter from the hematologist, but Brad was my witness on Wednesday and the doc said he would provide it. The good news is that I do not have to repeat my pre-op tests again, since they will be less than 30 days old. I know that doesn't seem like a big deal, but the thought of having to go to The Cleveland Clinic and give them more of my money and time made me a bit ill. I can't begin to explain how much I hate them and how miserable they have made my life.

11.29.2008

Getting Closer!

I had two appointments with a hematologist this past week. I left the first visit feeling like I was being pulled back in time, as he wanted to run a whole series of tests to support his theory that I had an auto-immune disease, and not an implant reaction. I was down this road earlier in the year, and knew that this was not the case. Brad went with me to the second appointment, as I had a strong feeling that what I would be hearing would not be good news, but we were both surprised...as we ended up with what we considered the "best case scenario!"

After running a myriad of tests, the doc has come to the conclusion that my low platelet count is likely due to the implant reaction. I think he was a bit surprised. In fact, the only things that showed up as something to be concerned about support the implant reaction theory and are not consistent with anything else. He agreed with me that as long as I had the artificial disc in my platelets would be low, so it would make no sense to further postpone the surgery since the surgery is likely what I need to correct the issue. This being said, he is giving his approval for me to move forward with the surgery, with the suggestion that they have platelets on hand for a transfusion during the procedure.

The one slightly sticky point is that my platelet count tanked even more this past week. It was at 21, and as of Wednesday I was at 13. The 13 is unbelievably low, so I'm now on a heavy dosage of steroids to bring the count up. I'm taking 10 of these things a day for four days, and then will go into the doc on Monday to see what the platelet count is. I'm guessing that if it does help bring up the count, he may recommend I take them leading up to the surgery to keep the count higher. Though the count is very low (should normally be at least 150), the good news is that the platelets I do have seem to be very healthy, as I'm not exhibiting issues that most people with that low a count would be having.

On Monday I will be working with my Baltimore surgeon's office to reschedule the surgery, which I'm hoping can still be done in December. It's no longer the best time for me to do this work-wise, but I'm hoping I can still make it work. I'd really hate to have to wait until March to get this resolved (since with my job I have year-end close to do in January & February), especially since my pain levels continue to worsen by the week.

In the meantime, these last few days have been a bit odd, as the steroids are a bit difficult to stomach. I'm taking two Zantac twice a day to help neutralize the stomach pain the meds cause. In addition, the steroids have a tendency to usually make it harder to sleep, can cause headaches, and can also make you starving all the time. I'm not dealing with the starving part, but I have been hit with everything else. The good news is that I think I'm starting to get use to them, at least.

Thanksgiving day was a tough one, and I found myself lounging around my parents house most of the day feeling ill. Thursday evening I was really bad, but Friday was a bit better and today - though I was wide awake at 6am - I feel a little bit better still. I need to start re-preparing for my surgery once again, so I'm planning on taking some time today to work on that. On Sunday I'm hoping to meet up with my friend Moe in Cincinnati for lunch, as I haven't seen him in more than a year. Considering we're only 3-1/2 hours apart, we should see each other more, but with opposite schedules it makes it difficult. If I can manage to do the trip tomorrow, that should be a fun day.

11.19.2008

Brand New Day

No, this is not a post about Sting's early-2000's hit song. I know they played that thing on the radio at least once an hour for a good year or so, but quite frankly I never was a fan of it.

While I woke up at 4am wondering if the past 24 hours had been a dream - or actually more of a nightmare - I found myself with a better and more positive outlook. It is a brand new day, after all.

Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life. And while on the surface I know it doesn't seem that bad, it was really a breaking point for me. Months and years of struggling and fighting, thinking that maybe my need to fight would be ending so soon, only to have it taken away from me. I have worked so hard to get to this point with my health and getting a resolution, knowing the toll it's taken on not only myself but my family...this was a blow to them as well. I've used every last ounce of energy I had, thinking that come Monday I would not only have my surgery but a much needed break from everything...and now that's gone, at least for now.

While I usually try to handle myself in a calm, rational manner - especially when dealing with medical professionals - yesterday I just lost it. Completely lost it. The way things went down yesterday completely pushed me over the edge. The stress I have allowed to build up internally just exploded, and for about six hours I found myself in a place I had never been before in my entire life. When I woke up this morning, I realized that my breakdown wasn't just about a canceled surgery, but was really about 20 years of struggles and difficulties with my health that I have internalized. I've taken all of my experiences and feelings and shoved them into a place so I could just "ignore" them and keep moving forward; I've never truly dealt with the situations. I haven't had the luxury of dealing with them, as I needed to focus all of my energies on trying to maintain as normal of a life as possible and coping with the pain. And if I'm being honest, I've felt myself breaking this entire year...it was only a matter of time before I had a monumental breakdown. But now it's over, and it's time to breathe, refocus and rebuild. My life didn't end yesterday, it just changed my path a little bit. And probably for the better.

I'm disappointed that the surgery is off, but hopeful I can still have it rescheduled for December. My boss is understanding of the situation, and I've now been told to do what I need to do and not worry about work...and since he's my boss, I'll gladly follow his orders. I have an appointment with the hematologist today, and I'm even coming armed with support for this one - my dad. It will not only be a first time in over a decade that I've had someone with me for a doctor visit, but I think it may be the first time that my dad is my support. I think this will be a positive thing, as I find myself drained in every way imaginable and little "fight" left. I know he'll speak up for me and fight for the right testing and treatment to get this thing moving and over with.

I want to thank everyone again for their support. I apologize for my ramblings, but for me writing is the most therapeutic thing I can do. I'm hoping one day I can look back at all of this and have a written account of my struggles...and try to come up with a way to make sense of it, and maybe even a purpose for it all.

11.18.2008

Devastated

My surgery was canceled approximately 20 hours prior to when I was to leave for Baltimore.

My platelet count is extremely low. 21,000. While I'm certain it's due to the high ANA levels in my body...which is my body's way of fighting the implant...and unfortunately also "fights" tissues, muscles, bone and little things like platelets...it doesn't matter. They can't operate on someone they fear might bleed to death on the operating table.

So here I sit, in the dark, at home. My head is pounding from the past two hours I've spent crying hysterically. I cannot believe that I came so close, just to have it taken away from me.

My fear is that now I have to see a hematologist. This person will no doubt run their tests and ignore any evidence I bring to the table as to help educate them about my situation. They will likely try various things that won't work, will diagnose me with something that I don't technically have on my own, but because of this damn implant that I'm now stuck with for an unknown amount of weeks or months more than what it's already been. This process will take weeks because it is the Cleveland Clinic, and because I'm not a patient with wealth and fame that might bring them some more prestige.

This was my chance to have the surgery with little interruption to my job. Year end close starts January 5; even if I have the surgery three weeks from now, that's putting me back at work at the end of January. I don't think that's feasible, at least if I want to keep my job. A person doesn't take off for six weeks during the most busy time of the year unless it's due to a heart attack or stroke.

I'm just angry. My platelet count was low in February - 110,000. My ANA levels were high; for the life of me I don't understand why my primary care physician didn't think it would be a good idea to check these levels once in awhile? After all, I see her every darn month to get prescription refills, because she only writes me stuff for 30 day supplies. After all of the extra time and energy I have spent preparing for this on a personal and professional level, and to have it taken away from me...I just have no words. I feel like I've been run over by a truck, and then the truck backs up and runs over me again, repeating the process about 100 times over. I'm just devastated. And I have no idea where to go from here.

11.15.2008

First Snow

As of November 15, we have now received our first snowfall of the 2008-09 winter season. What started as 56 degrees and cloudy turned into showers, rapidly dropping temps and then snow. It's ironic that exactly three years ago it was almost an exactly similar day in Bettendorf, Iowa, when we held the visitation and funeral for my Grandpa S.

11.12.2008

Head Still On

Though I woke up this morning not feeling too great, after I took some vitamins and sinus meds I'm feeling better. Much better than yesterday, thankfully. I don't remember much of the last few days, but I'm still here.

Something weird did catch my eye this morning. On a news web site there were two separate articles relating to grandmothers:

Grandmother Gives Birth to Daughter's Triplets
Grandmother Finds 3 Relatives Dead in Dallas Home

I'm not sure what to make of this, but I know this much - grandmothers are a very important part of our lives. I for one am glad to have both of mine still in my life at the old age of 32. I'm very lucky indeed.

11.11.2008

Headaches

For the last few days I have been suffering from ever-increasing headaches. I've narrowed it down to the following potential causes:

1. Going off a few medications that I was taking regularly, that I have to be off prior to the surgery so I don't bleed to death on the table.

2. The fact that I can't get in to see my primary care physician for the required history, physical and pre-op tests until Monday at 2:40pm. The results must be in Baltimore by Wednesday or I can kiss my surgery date goodbye. Considering this is under the Cleveland Clinic umbrella, you can see why I'm gravely concerned.

3. Work-related stress. Trying to wrap-up 3rd quarter numbers and about 100 other things. Plus I need to work on the transition/re-assignment plan so things don't fall apart when I'm gone. The 12+ hour days (not including drive-time) are probably not helping either.

4. Lack of sleep. I've been waking up at about 12:30am the last few mornings and not getting much sleep after that. Partly due to pain, partly due to worry and too many thoughts running through my head.

5. Unknowns still being unknowns. I'm still waiting to hear if this surgery will even be covered by insurance. Plus I'm waiting on information on an outpatient procedure I have to have done Thursday in preparation for the surgery. I have to be there at 7am, but Brad can't join me until later that morning as he has a class he can't miss the night before. I need to figure out how I'm getting to/from the hospital, plus I'm anxious as to whether this will put me out of commission in the days prior to the surgery. After all, I really wanted some time to just enjoy D.C. and try to get my mind off Nov. 24.

6. Lack of me time. I'm so busy trying to wrap up work and homeowners association stuff that I feel I have no time to prepare on a personal level. Considering I'll be away from home for three weeks, I really need that time but haven't found any yet.

I'm guessing my headaches are caused by "all of the above." And while I should stay late at work, or run personal errands after work, I've decided that I will instead be going home, laying down in a dark room and hoping that I'll get some sleep and feel better when I wake up in the morning. And if someone can maybe give me some fluids through an IV or something, I wouldn't be opposed to it. A glass would work, too.

11.09.2008

The Details

I got back home late Friday evening from Baltimore, my mind swimming with all of the things that need to happen in these next few weeks.

The surgery has been scheduled for Monday, November 24. I'll have to be there on the 20th for an IVC filter (outpatient procedure), and the 21st to meet with the case manager, so that limits my time back in Ohio even more. I will likely be in the hospital until the day after Thanksgiving, and then will be taking up residence at a Residence Inn about 10 miles from the hospital. My mom has been wonderful enough to agree to take care of me while at the hotel, where I will be stuck for another 1-2 weeks depending on when I'm good enough for the surgeon to release me. I'm guessing I'll be heading back home the week of December 8.

Though this will be the most complicated surgery I have had to date, I do feel confident with the surgical team. The ortho surgeon has removed over 100 of these discs - the most any surgeon has removed in the world - so I'm in good hands there. The vascular surgeon is having me go through some extra tests and procedures so I don't bleed to death. He seems pretty sharp, and was kind enough to see me in between surgeries on Friday.

So what does this all come down to? The next two weeks will probably go by faster than I can imagine. I'm as ready as I'll ever be to get this thing done, so it's probably a good thing that I'll be so busy I won't have much time to think. And as an extra benefit before the surgery, I'll have almost four whole days in the Baltimore/D.C. area to spend with Brad and just hang out in one of my favorite towns. Kind of a last "hurray" before I'm laid up for weeks. Always need to look at the bright side.

11.05.2008

Thanks for Nothing, Cleveland Clinic

On October 23 I went to see the surgeon who performed my second spine operation. Though I didn't mention it on this blog, it was a nightmare. I spent 5-1/2 hours there and all but 5 minutes waiting, and at one point was so upset with how I was being treated - including several conversations my doctor had with others about my situation when he was right outside my room - that I hand wrote a "To my doctor" letter on spare paper I had on me in an effort to calm down. Maybe one day I'll just have to post that.

So at the end of the appointment I requested all of my records. After all, I wasted my entire morning there so I should walk away with something, right? I wanted to be able to take them to Baltimore so surgeon #3 could see the progression. Every film I had taken on my back since May 2005 was in the Cleveland Clinic's hands. The surgeon had his secretary give me a form right away to release my records, and then took it from me directly to be processed. I was told that it would be expedited. This was on Thursday, October 23.

So two weeks later, I have not received a thing. My work schedule has been so dreadful that I haven't found the time to think "Hey, you should call CCF and check the status of your records." Well, actually it pops in my head every day, but only at 7:30pm at night when I'm driving home from work. Until today. Yes, last minute, but that's my life lately.

I take 10 minutes to find a number to call, another 10 minutes on hold with the records department. Figured I would go right to the source instead of trying to call a surgeon's secretary who never answers her phone and takes days to call back. I give my patient information, and then I hear the dreaded words. "Sorry, we have no record of your request. It must not have made it to our department."

So now I'm going to Baltimore tomorrow with nothing from CCF other than some test results I can print off the web and the set of x-rays I have from October 23. That's it. I probably should be surprised, but I'm not. Furious, but not surprised.

I'd love nothing more than to tell CCF and the staff I've had to deal with where they can go, and to have twenty minutes alone with a really good punching bag, but for now I'll just have to suffice blogging about it. Tomorrow is around the corner, and "it is what it is."

In the meantime, if you are in need of medical care and want to be treated like some hurt cow that's just going off to the butcher shop anyway, go to The Cleveland Clinic. They specialize in making you feel about two levels lower than dirt. If you want to be treated with a little respect, then go somewhere else. University Hospitals, maybe. I'll let you know.

Exciting Times

I woke up at 2am, unable to fall back asleep. I watched McCain give his concession speech, and Obama give his acceptance speech, which I had recorded earlier in the evening. I then switched on the DVD player to Disc 1 of "The Office" season 2, which I watched until the alarm went off at 4:15 am.

This is definitely an exciting time to be an American, and it was great to see history made last night. While the Democrats have yet to sell me on their plan for success, it's always an inspiration to see someone come from humble beginnings make it to the top. Only in America, and that's a great thing.

I always get worked up on election night, so I'm not surprised I only got three hours of sleep. Still bummed from my new fish-less situation, and horribly anxious about my surgeon appointment on Thursday, I have a feeling that many sleepless nights are ahead of me. Not because of the fish, but the surgery thing.

On a side note I have gotten a lot of e-mails from family & friends that read the blog, giving me encouragement for Thursday and providing me with some great laughter, too. I need to write you all back individually, but since that won't occur for a few days given my schedule I just want to say thank you. I feel I'm lacking mental and emotional strength lately, and to have so many great people behind me really helps. It's difficult for me to communicate what's really going on in my mind, but I am ever so grateful for each of you.

11.04.2008

President Obama

Ohio was just called at 9:30pm for Obama. I think it's time to start calling him President-Elect. Congrats to the Senator from the great State of Illinois. And now I can go to sleep!

No More Fish

I came home tonight after a long day - including the voting thing - and found Andy dead. Obviously there must have been something that ran through the tank, because I just lost my only three fish in a week. It's actually the first time I've not had a fish since 2003; there have been four generations.

I know they are just fish, but I've always found them fun and interesting. They were always great to watch, and were a calming presence. They were a source of happiness, and I'm just a bit empty inside without them here.

Election Day 2008

Instead of waiting for the polls to open here at 6:30, I decided to head into work exceptionally early so I could hopefully get out by 4:30 to go vote. I've already heard from some of my Ohio family and co-workers that the lines are huge, so I guess everyone will be wasting a good hour in a line today. Not a bad problem to have, let's just hope those administering the election can handle it!

11.03.2008

Election Day Eve

After what seems to be a decade of campaigning, Election Day 2008 is just a day away. I'm not saying there will be results, just that everyone (should) be done with their voting tomorrow, if in fact they decide to vote. I used to be a person who thought that everyone should vote who can, but after some more life experience I've decided that if a person doesn't want to vote that's their right, too. All I ask is that those people keep their mouths shut because you really have no right to complain if you didn't vote.

With everything else going on in life, politics consumes more of my mind than I'd like. It is usually a cause of stress, anxiety and frustration more than anything. No matter what the results are after tomorrow, I don't think it will change anything in my own mind. Sad, but true. I've come to the conclusion that the governmental system is broken because we have not done anything about it. As American's, we've become lazy and taken our rights as U.S. citizens for granted. We've bought into the media and politician jargon that the only thing we're good for is a vote. "Vote, then don't worry your pretty little head about the rest." The truth is that we have so much more power than what anyone wants to actually talk about, because if most people understood what power we have then most politicians would be out of their cushy jobs and people would not be so dependent on their power and how they choose to use it.

I wasn't planning on this little rant, yet that's where blogging takes me today. Recently I came to the conclusion to stop complaining and start doing something constructive; to stop feeling helpless and start being helpful. So I've taken the first step in doing something which, when it's more developed, I'll share. With any luck, it will be a good project for me to start when I'm at home recovering from surgery.

10.31.2008

Another Goodbye???

Fox has now canceled King of the Hill. Not even a series finale or anything. It's not like it's my favorite show, but it provides some good entertainment. I swear, I'm getting really sick of Fox and how it treats its shows. After 13 years on the air, this is what KotH and its viewers get? I guess I should be lucky Arrested Development got a proper send-off after being on air only 2-1/2 years.

Goodbye Sammy

I lost yet another fish this week - Sammy "The Knee."

I can't wait for this day to be over. I'm really feeling quite down and just want to be home.

10.30.2008

Another Week

After a staff meeting, one of my accounting staff came up to me and said "I like to think that a week from now you'll be on the path to getting your life back."

My mind has been so focused on other things this week - my dead (Tony) and sick (poor Sammy is probably not going to make it through the week) fish, quarter end closing stuff, prep for the exec committee meeting today, the horrible pain the crappy weather has been causing me, a new personal - and potential business - venture I'm starting to develop, and the opportunity Brad has to travel abroad through school and determining how to make it financially feasible...those have all been consuming my mind. It hadn't hit me that I'll be meeting my new surgeon a week from today.

There's a part of me that is beyond hopeful that what my co-worker said comes true. However, the realist in me knows the risks and the odds; the risks are great and the odds are against me. I think the thing I have to really come to terms with most is that what happens, happens. This surgery is really the last effort. What results from it is the way it will be, and I must find a way to cope with it no matter what the outcome.

10.29.2008

R.I.P. Tony

So after a long day at work and a nice meal out with Brad, I come home to find my goldfish Tony (a.k.a. Fat Tony) at the bottom of the tank, dead. I was completely shocked. Sammy, who we've had since Feb. 07, has not been doing too well lately, but Tony was the healthiest fish in the tank. We got him and his brother Andy on July 12, so this is actually the shortest amount of time any of our fish have lived. (I'm excluding Eddie because there was something wrong with him from the day we got him, so I blame the store for his 2-week span with us.)

I feel bad, because I never did get around to taking pictures of him. For a smaller fish, he had a strength and fight that made tank life interesting. He loved to fight with Sammy, who is more than twice his size, and often won the battles. He was sweet towards Andy, who was his tank mate from the store. He loved to eat, swam around like crazy, and hopefully had a decent life.

I'm really going to miss Fat Tony, and wish he could have stayed around a bit longer.

10.27.2008

Randall 10 - Thirteen Years Later

I think it's appropriate to acknowledge that exactly 13 years ago today, myself and about 70 others opened the Randall 10 in Batavia, Illinois. It was not only a turning point in my early career, but it also lead me to develop two great, long term friendships (Chrissy and Moe - you know who you are!) that I cherish immensely. I was only there five months before I was promoted and transferred, but it was still good times. I was usually overworked, stretched to my maximum mental and physical capacity, and dealing with certain people that made my life difficult for what I considered nothing but selfish reasons.

There were a lot of memorable moments from that first official day we were open to the public. Waking up, getting ready and going out to my car to find my tires deflated from nails, thanks to the lovely union projectionists who were picketing our theater for not using them. Getting to work a final shift with an old friend from Willow Knolls 14, who was there to assist in the opening on her last day with the company. Going out to Denny's in Aurora with many of the staff after finishing out the 9 o'clock set. A few of us then piling into cars, driving north of downtown Chicago in an attempt to find an all-night bowling alley; which we found, but a few people (not me!) were scared due to questionable atmosphere, so we instead went straight back to Aurora to spend the rest of the early morning hours.

For the original crew of the Randall 10, everyone should be proud of their accomplishments. While the first month was rough, the gang was able to overcome some challenging obstacles and turn the place into an entertainment destination and a part of the Batavia community. Since 1995 it's grown into a 16-plex, complete with an IMAX theater. While I've heard it's quite a bit run down, it still seems to pull in a crowd the few random times I've driven by.

Just one question now remains - has anyone discovered the time capsule?

10.22.2008

Freaky Wednesday

I come in today, open my e-mail, and find an email with the following:

Can you fly to Portland for an evening of no remembrance?

I wish I could say it was a typical junk mail, but it wasn't. It was from some guy (and obvious jackass) who owns an "asset recovery firm" that we (the company) engaged about two months ago. Our conversations were very limited, and mostly by e-mail, and the issue was quickly resolved in early September. So now I open my work e-mail, and as a reply to an e-mail I sent him on Sept 8 stating that the City of Cleveland did not owe us money and that the issue was cleared up...I get THIS reply.

I see the email was sent at 3:35am EDT. Was the guy high? Drunk? Did he accidentally mean to send this to another one of his contacts? Or is he just the biggest loser and freak out there? The answer is likely "all of the above."

So now I'm stuck with this nagging on my brain as to a response. I know sometimes it's best just to let things go, but I'm really tempted to write this guy back and tell him where he can go.

10.21.2008

Daily Thoughts and Observations

Between the construction noise and intense winds outside, it sounds like a sick cow giving birth. If I have to listen to this all day it is going to be a very unproductive day.

I haven't been feeling a strong pull to move back to Illinois lately, but this recent article makes me wonder if I should be giving the state another chance. After all, I think my past goldfish - Fish One, Fish Two, Norman, Eddie and Louie would be very responsible voters. My live fish would be, too.

In between the "sick cow" noise breaks I can actually hear the waves on Lake Erie. And if I turn around and look out my window, I can see the waves, too. If this keeps up I'm guessing there will be no sailboats out today.

Carrie Fisher turns 52 today. No real significance...just that we share the same first name, and a few of the engineers call me "Carrie Fisher". And sometimes "Carrie Underwood", but it's not as popular.

The winds still continue. I hope I'm not killed by shattered glass, because I've heard that has happened on many occasions in this building. Not the killings part, but the window glass breaking. Usually people are lucky enough where they are not in their office when it happens, but we're talking about me here. If my window breaks, I can assure you I will likely be right by it when it happens.

Happy October 21, everyone.

10.16.2008

Sluggish

This whole week has been a blur. A combination of long hours, not feeling well at all...yeah, I think those two are reason enough. One of my accounting team members is at the hospital awaiting the birth of her grandson, which means for the next week and a half I'll not only be doing my job, but hers as well since she plans on taking the time off. And of course on top of that I am working on quarter end numbers, so I'm on my own there as well.

On the health side, the pain has been immense all week; and even if I eliminate the pain, I'm still not feeling like myself. I would almost call it a drug reaction, but I don't know what that would be as I'm not taking anything new, nor have I gone off anything. I'm just not well. I would see a doctor...but that's out the window since I'm pretty much the entire accounting department right now. (Sorry, but my PT person is just that - a PT person)

I just want to put my head on my desk and sleep.

10.09.2008

Here Comes the Sun

I hit the road this morning around 5:50am, surrounded by complete darkness. From my office window you could only see a few office lights on in the surrounding buildings, and a huge black hole where Lake Erie is.

I went straight to work, unaware of the environment around me, when suddenly I see a bright reflection off my wall. That couldn't be the sun, right? Wait - it is!

I don't know what I am more surprised by. The fact it's 8am and time is already going quickly, or the fact that I actually see sun out my window...a first in many long, dreary days.

10.06.2008

Reality

I did manage to get an appointment with the surgeon in Baltimore scheduled for November 6. It will mean 13 hours on the road in one day, by myself, but I don't care.

As I usually do when I'm faced with a potential surgery, I initially tried to tell myself that I could put it off. Let's face it, surgery is no fun. With back surgery it has an affect on every part of your body, and the more surgeries you have the more difficult it appears to recover from them in a timely manner. And given my track record with two previous back surgeries that did nothing but make the situation worse, I suppose it is natural to fight against having a third surgery that could also prove pointless.

But after I went through the denial stage, I had a brief period of depression and then skipped right to acceptance. At least the acceptance regarding the reality of my situation; I need surgery sooner than later. It would be great if I could wait a year, but I can't. Realistically, I should try to have it in late November or early December. This period is the slowest time of the year for me work-wise, and would be the best time for me to squeeze this major surgery in.

I know I'm not done with my "denial, anger, bargaining and depression". After reading the recent reports regarding the disc I had put in 3-1/2 years ago and the similar problems it is causing others - including several lawsuits out there that I am wondering if I should try and join - I probably have every right to feel those things. Given the lack of support by the medical community and what I've had to suffer physically and mentally, the anger increases that much more. But in the end it doesn't change the end result - the disc must come out, and bone must go in.

Which, after saying that, put a Simpson's saying in my head. "Knife goes in, guts come out, that's what Osaka Seafood Fish Concern is all about."

10.02.2008

12:00pm

I'm feeling very blah today. Maybe it's the 12-hour work days I've been putting in, or the fact that my pain has increased another notch in a matter of weeks. Maybe it's the fact that I'm stuck waiting on surgeon #1 here in Ohio to see if he'll prescribe me the meds I want, or the fact that I'm stuck waiting for Baltimore surgeon's office to officially give me permission to schedule an appointment. I'm working as hard and as fast as I can, but I'm still not getting the stuff done that needs to. I'm overwhelmed with my workload, fed up with pain, tired of waiting, and I miss seeing my husband and having quality time to spend with him. I also miss my family and friends, and just having a life in general.

Or who knows - maybe it's the fact that overnight the weather turned cold, dreary and windy. I usually like Fall, but the weather changes are hard for my body to handle. It also could be the fact that I've basically been up since about 1:30am. Yeah, that's probably more like it. Probably.

9.30.2008

I Don't See Any Any Key!


Some 1,400 chief information officers from companies across the United States to come up with the most baffling questions their help desks or technical support teams had ever received. (AFP/Illustration)

Why do I find this funny? Well, if you go back to a blog I wrote in July 2007, you'll see why.

Get Rid of Them All

I believe I have come to the conclusion that in this election I will vote for only non-incumbents at all levels of government, and will encourage everyone else to do the same. We need to start with a clean slate.

And in terms of the President, vote for whoever you want. If there was a third party candidate that I could tolerate I would vote for them...but there is no such thing.

9.25.2008

Another Notch

It seems like there is always a time where the pain I'm in steps up a notch. No reason, activity or logic to it, it just happens.

Unfortunately I think it just climbed up yet another notch.

I thought that maybe I was just going through an "inflammatory" phase these last couple of weeks due to the change in weather, but have come to the conclusion that it's not a short-term thing. Unfortunately it's here to stay.

With each "notch" it eats away more at my mental strength, and this most recent increase is no exception. It's a harsh reality, but if the doctors continue to sit around and do nothing I would be shocked if I'm still able to work in a year. And for me, the person whose life once revolved around work and career, it's a tough thing to swallow.

I hope one day I can look back at all of this and know that there was a purpose behind all of the suffering. I feel that after all I've been through that I should be able to do "something" with it. Granted, things are not over yet, but...why was I meant to go through all of this if there was not a greater purpose?

9.15.2008

Hello, Ike

While the Texans got to see Ike at full blast, we Ohioans were in for a shock yesterday afternoon when 65-80 mph winds started blowing. Ike was here, but we didn't know it then. Brad and I were both upstairs, in separate rooms, when I heard the large, long crackle of wood breaking, and then a large bang that shook the house. I sat in our office in silence, with the words "Did a tree just fall?" going through my mind. Within seconds Brad's voice boomed down the hall, "We lost a tree. Didn't hit a house, but we're blocked in."

A 40-50 ft tree in a tree lawn on the south side of the property had a big, old tree come tumbling down in the wind. It looks like it was decaying from the inside, and the winds snapped it at the base. We were lucky no one was hurt, and that there was no property damage. Yes, we were blocked in since the tree was over our only road out of the development, and there was some landscaping damage, but after hearing other people's stories we were immensely lucky.

After calling a few tree removal companies and getting turned down due to the volume they had already accumulated, we finally found a guy close by to do the job, and for $900. Not bad, considering the high demand. We now have a path clear in our road to drive through, and within the next few days the company will clean up the rest.

My parents, 10 minutes down the road, also got hit hard. Wires down, trees down...complete mess. Neither of us had power, along with over 300,000 residents in the Cleveland/Akron area. What we always find amusing is that typically when we lose power, the houses on the other side of our southern tree lawn typically have it. So we went to a neighbors, had some screwdrivers (and yes, I mean vodka & orange juice) in the driveway, watching the winds and envying the people in the houses that were in their comfortable homes, with their electricity, air conditioning and television. Considering the circumstances, it was not a bad night.

The one thing most people around here agree on is the lack of a warning before the winds came. We certainly knew nothing about it, and we had been watching the Bears/Panthers game on a Cleveland network. I'm not sure what the weather people were up to, but I think they were slacking just a bit. Probably out at the Browns Stadium tailgating and drinking until they felt no pain (in anticipation of their major loss to the Steelers).

What was to happen Sunday evening was our association board meeting, which was going to probably be one big stressful shouting match. Instead, we gathered together as a community (for the most part - a few people decided to play their typical games) and made the best of a bad situation. You can actually say that the tree brought us together, at least for an evening. I'm sure in a week everyone will be back to their political games. But for now I'm going to enjoy the peace while it lasts.

9.11.2008

A Moment of Silence

I certainly hope people can stop talking/commenting about who called who a pig in lipstick, get over themselves, grow up, and refocus on what is really important in life.

It's a sad statement that the 25th anniversary of the VMA's received more press than the 7 year anniversary of 9/11. Pathetic. As a country, where did we go wrong? Where did we lose our way here? Is it too late to change course, or like the mighty Roman empire are we destined to fail?

9.04.2008

Results

About a month ago I had blood drawn, which was then sent to Rush in Chicago for testing. The purpose was to see if I had a high level of various metals in my bloodstream, which could be a sign that my body was allergic to, or rejecting, the artificial disc I had put in place back in May 2005. My dad initiated the conversation with my original surgeon at my desperate request (they work together), so the testing was done. I had not heard anything, so I asked my dad to check with the surgeon to see when the results would be available. As it turns out, the surgeon had received them this week.

The results show that there is an "elevated level of nickel reactivity". The surgeon was quick to point out that nickel is not a component of the disc. However, after a few minutes of web research, I was able to confirm that one of the main components, cobalt, is a byproduct of nickel. Basically the two go hand-in-hand. Also several of the other metals used for the disc often contain some nickel in their makeup.

I don't know what all of this will lead to, but it's something. Out of all of the test results I've had, only two things have come back positive - the level of nickel in my bloodstream, and my anti-nuclear antibody level. Both items are signs of an allergic reaction based on what I've read.

I'm trying not to get ahead of myself, but it's tough not to feel consumed with emotion right now. It's good news - great news, actually - but there is also a part of me that is furious for the hell I've gone through and the complete lack of support from the medical community. I've asked every doctor I've seen these past 3 years (over 11 of them) if I could be allergic to the implant, and I was blown off. In fact, most of the docs gave a laugh and told me "If you can wear a watch, you don't have a metal allergy." Right...because wearing a watch on my wrist is completely the same as having a large metal implant inside your body reacting with various tissues and such. Because my watch is made out of the exact metals - and plastics - as an implant. Completely the same.

Idiots.

If I actually get a diagnosis for whatever it is I have and it's related to the disc, I will certainly make it my mission to share my story as much as I can so others who may be suffering from the same thing can get treated. In the meantime these results have given me a much needed boost of fighting power. It gives me something to work with, which is all I've been wanting for a few years now. Something to let me know that I'm not crazy, that it's not all in my imagination and that what I'm suffering from is real. It may not have been real to the medical community up until this point because it's not one of the main "top 50" diseases they are aware of, but it's definitely real to me. And I think this most recent test reinforces the fact that there is something there.

Mission Accomplished

After months of planning and several weeks of work, my mom's 60th birthday weekend went well. Only one small hiccup - I had to tell my mom over the phone on Friday that Grandma was in the car, and I was driving her to Ohio as a surprise.

What can I say. Mom started panicking when she called Grandma three times on Friday morning and got no answer, so she assumed the worst; that she was injured, dead, or possibly kidnapped. Ok, I made up the kidnapping part.

So I received the dreaded call from Mom at 2pm, just as I crossed into Indiana. She started out asking me where I was, how was traffic, and whether I had a headache. Considering she did not know where I was, I had to make up stuff. I could tell something was bothering her, so I asked her straight out and then I got the panic about Grandma. She was about to call Grandma again for a fourth time...so there was nothing I could do. I admitted I had her mom in the car, and after stating three or four times that I wasn't joking, I finally handed the phone to Grandma so she could prove that what I was saying was true.

I was pretty devastated for about two minutes. All the effort, all the stress with keeping it a secret, and the fact there would be no joyful moment with the whole family once Grandma arrived...it was a severe kick to the stomach. But then I realized that I had accomplished the mission - giving my mom time with her mom, and making it a surprise - so all was good. I got over myself and the situation.

Thursday through Monday was a hectic, time-consuming, exhausting, physically painful blur. Actually, that really describes the last few weeks. But in the end, I think everyone had a lot of fun, and I managed to get everything done that I had planned. I got about 4 hours of sleep a night at most, but I made it through.

I have some good pictures and good stories, but that will probably have to wait another week or two. Technically, the birthday gift/work is not officially over. I still have Grandma to take back to Iowa this weekend, and then next weekend I have several things to take back to various stores that I did not end up using for the cake. Since I have a few days of "down time" (excluding my work-related hours of 5am to 6:30pm this week), the goal is to try and get as much sleep as possible these next few days. To say I'm exhausted from the past few weeks is an understatement.

Paid Sick Leave Issue Pulled From Ohio Ballot

Great news today from the State of Ohio - the Ohio Healthy Families Act has been pulled from the ballot this November. It appears the group who started this is going to focus their efforts on a similar Federal bill.

It is wonderful news, as now I don't have to spend weeks of my work life coming up with a new sick/vacation/holiday policy and tracking system. I can now spend my "down time" in between end-of-quarter work to do things that I want to do, such as create an all-encompassing database to track employee information, benefits, and EEO information.

And in the end, the best part about this news is that we can keep the generous package we currently have for our employees.

9.03.2008

St. Paul, Minnesota

St. Paul - especially downtown St. Paul - was where I called home for three years, and where I worked for five years. As I was plugging away on my computer tonight, I saw on the news more video of protesters vandalizing storefronts and taking over the streets. I just couldn't take it anymore.

I know where these people are, and what they are destroying in their path. Where the dumpster fire broke out Monday and the first confrontation between police and protesters occurred, I (and Brad at one point) worked next door. I see the familiar sights of stores, banks, restaurants and streets that were my home, being torn to shreds. I worry for my former co-workers who are still downtown (though luckily they moved a few years ago to a place a little further from the convention center), and for everyone who calls St. Paul home. We obviously left Minnesota for a reason, but we did enjoy our time in St. Paul. It was a clean, safe city, with beautiful sights and culture, and friendly people. To see what these protesters are doing is horribly wrong, immoral, and disgusting. The people and businesses of St. Paul do not deserve this.

I'm all for peaceful protests, but these people completely infuriate me and disgust me right now. These people, who obviously have high opinions of themselves and what they are allowed to do to others without any explanation or care, deserve to be taken down off their little pedestals and put through hell. Kudos to the Twin Cities cops who have had to put up with their childish, pathetic behavior, and a "hang in there" to those St. Paul folks who will hopefully be able to reclaim their city once this mess is over. May the protesters rightfully get what is coming to them. Pathetic...disgusting and pathetic.

8.28.2008

Made It - One Day Down, Four More to Go

Made it to Moline, IL tonight. I always love the drive through Illinois, as I pass signs for cities that I've lived in or spent memorable moments in. Chicago, Rockford, Sterling, Peoria...DeKalb, Princeton, Dixon. Good times. The Quad Cities is a place especially close to me, since my Grandpa S. lived here since I can remember, so there is not a place in this city that doesn't remind me of him and the time we spent together.

I took a few pics from the road, but am too tired to load them. I'm starting day 2 at 7am tomorrow, so I should try to get some sleep.

And...I don't want to jinx it...but I think the Bears are going to beat the Browns. Yeah!!!

Luck is with me. So far.

This morning I awoke at 4am and couldn't get back to sleep. This afternoon I head to Iowa to pick up my mom's surprise. I got up, finished packing, did a little house cleaning and left a little bit later than my normal time. Made it about 13 miles north on the interstate where I was, at most, six cars behind a set of cars that would be involved in a pretty bad collision. I was lucky enough not to see it, and even luckier not to be in it. And also lucky that the guy behind me who was following me exceptionally close didn't run into the back of me when we had to go from 60 mph to 0 in a matter of seconds. (Squealing tires and seeing the car behind you pull to the shoulder to avoid you is never a good thing.)

It turns out one of my accounting department employees was almost in the crash. She saw some of what happened but didn't stop. Don't agree with it, but I'm glad she's ok. Too many close calls before 7:30am; with those out of the way hopefully the rest of the day will be smooth sailing. If I'm awake enough, I'll drop a line when I'm in Iowa.

8.26.2008

Wallace and Gromit...Fashion Models???


As a big W&G fan, I was surprised to find this news article this morning here.

Even more exciting is that I didn't know they were making another W&G movie. If you have not seen "The Incredible Adventures of Wallace and Gromit" (1996), it is a must-see. Good stuff.

"Cheese, Gromit! Cheeeeeeese!"

Thoughts From a Cat

I can't believe I just did this, but I came up with a poem for the card I'm making for the cat to "give" to my mom. Yikes.

Today is an appropriate time to say,
I appreciate all you do for me each day.

Feeding me, brushing me, giving me pills,
In an effort to cure me of all of my ills.

Letting me lay in comfortable baskets,
While I look out the windows at stray cats making a racket.

Petting me, soothing me, calling me yours,
As a cat I could never feel more adored.

Holding me in your arms, rubbing my head,
Putting up with my loud cries when I want to be fed.

As my mom, you're at the top of the list,
No one else in this world would have treated me like this.

So on this Monday, first day in September,
I want to wish you a Happy 60th Birthday to remember.

8.25.2008

Operation Hot Mother

Since Brad convinced me that this is the new, hot thing to do, I created a Facebook account on Friday. I'm not sure why, especially since I have no time to devote to it these days. But, it's there. I'm doubtful I'll stick with it for long, as I'm a big fan of Blogger, but you never know. At minimum I'll use it to provide me with quotes from shows like "Arrested Development" and "The Office" so I can start my day with a smile.

This weekend was entirely consumed with birthday planning for my mom. I keep referring to it in my head as "Operation Hot Mother", which is an "Arrested Development" thing. In this case, the word "Hot" refers to my mother possibly being really steamed at me bringing my Grandma here as a surprise. Yes, it's weird, but by doing something nice I could possibly get myself a wall of silence from my mom for an undefined amount of time.

So what have I accomplished? Well, I made test cake #2 and test frosting #3, and actually decided to use it for the real thing. The recipe is from the Magnolia Bakery in New York, and I had recently seen them highlighted on a Food Network show. I'm using their "Vanilla Vanilla" recipe, except I'm having to adjust it a bit since the cake will be 11" x 15". It is, by far, the best cake I've made from scratch.

I managed to get most of the cake decorations put together, which consist of scrapbook decor, mini photos, Scrabble letters and a few calculator keys. It seems like it would be an easy thing, but it took me hours to put together. You'll see why when I post pictures of the final cake. I made restaurant arrangements, planned meals and grocery lists, finalized travel, and got some stuff to make a unique birthday sign/banner. Bought a gift for the cat to give my mom, which is a nice frame with a cute picture of him before he got cancer. (He's still alive, which is why she can't bring herself to leave him and visit family in Iowa). I tried different decorating tips for the frosting, deciding which ones I was going to use when I had the real, final cake in front of me, and also made a few store stops for odds and ends.

When I type this out it doesn't seem like much, yet it took me all weekend to accomplish it. Tonight I'm going to go to the Party Station and pick up some containers for food transportation, since we'll be having a picnic at Blossom (an outdoor music venue) Sunday evening before hearing the Cleveland Orchestra's "Night at the Movies". I need to make the banners and birthday signage, and go through the fridge and cupboards to see if there is anything I can toss before buying the huge load of groceries tomorrow night for the weekend. I have to do laundry, pack, hand-make two birthday cards (one from Brad and I, another one from the cat), wrap gifts, and make a list of stuff I need to get during my short time in Iowa, like the good C&H sugar that you can't find in Ohio (yes, the sugar we have here is really that bad). Oh, and I need to clean my car, since right now it looks like a car I spend 65+ miles a day in. Is it possible that I can accomplish all of this in three evenings, between the hours of 6:30pm and 10:30pm? Hmmm...probably not, but I'll die trying.

I'm hoping that through my hard work and long hours now, that Friday evening will come and I'll be able to just sit back and enjoy the family. Well, at least enjoy them in between the cooking of meals and of course baking and decorating the cake. And if my mom is ticked at me for all I've done...well, then hopefully at least everyone else will enjoy themselves. There's no stopping Operation Hot Mother now.

8.22.2008

Mission: Take Down the Ohio Healthy Families Act

I know my mission is impossible to accomplish on my own, but I have one key goal from now until the November election - do everything in my own power to get people educated and informed on the Ohio Healthy Families Act that is likely to be on the ballot so it's voted DOWN.

First of all, I'm not against people being "healthy." In fact, I'm all for it, especially since I have a huge lack of health myself. I do, however, have a problem with this new potential mandate that could take effect in Ohio this December.

This Act would mandate that all employers with 25 employees or more provide a minimum of 7 paid sick days per year. Here's what else it requires:

  • The new policy must take effect within 30 days after it is approved by the voters
  • Employees must be allowed to take off sick time in hour increments or smaller, whatever their payroll system allows
  • Employees may not be asked to provide proof of being sick unless they are out three full consecutive days
  • Employers are not allowed to reduce vacation, personal or holiday time once the bill is enacted, which would probably be in an effort to make up for the increased amount of sick days and the additional financial burden it could put on the company
  • A minimum of up to 7 days of sick time must be allowed to carry over into the next business year
  • Part-time employees must receive prorated sick time based on the average hours worked per week
  • Employers are not allowed to factor in any sick time taken in their attendance policy, nor can employers include it as a factor on any type of "employee review"
  • Employees can take sick time not only for themselves, but to care for any type of family member.
The proposed Act is so poorly written that it does not address PTO time, whether sick time has to be "paid out" if an employee quits or is terminated, etc. It gives the employer no ground to stand on when it comes to employee "sick" time; the employee is in complete control.

Here is my issue. Ohio is already considered a horrible state to have a business in. Businesses are failing left and right, the unemployment rate is high (especially in Cleveland), and pretty much everyone is suffering in some way. The state is a mess. Companies are leaving the state, and people have few employment opportunities. So, this group - Ohioans for Healthy Families - decides that the best way to become an "employer friendly" state is to force 7 days of paid sick leave, giving the employee all of the power and the employer absolutely none. Seriously, they think this is going to entice companies to come here, or so they say. The main backers, from what I can tell, are unions and the Democrat party, though the Governor is saying he is against the Act.

This group's argument is that dozens and dozens of Ohioans have lost or almost lost their jobs because they had to take time off to care for themselves or a loved one. Yes - dozens, according to their spokesperson. They quote statistics such as "Only 52% of Ohioans have paid sick leave." Um...are they counting PTO time? No, just sick leave. It's all about wording. Every statistic they quote is craftily worded, and more than half of them are regarding other states or regions/cities. They talk about how people are finding it difficult to take off work. Sure, I relate to that. It's tough to take time off with my responsibilities, but it in no way has to do with a lack of paid sick time. That's what happens when you are a working adult - you have responsibilities and choices.

I'm going to use my own company as an example. We offer employees up to 30 days of sick leave. Yes, 30 paid days. If someone is sick less than 4 hours, we don't count it as sick time. When we do employee reviews we mark someone down in the attendance category if they are out more than the company sick day average (4 days), unless there were special circumstances. It rarely impacts the employee's increase. When we think people are abusing the system, such as constantly taking 2-3 hours off several days a week for claimed doctor's visits, we ask for a doctor's note. After all, we are a service business, and if someone is unreliable and constantly taking off and calling in late due to sick-related excuses, it hurts the department and the company.

If this new Act passes, we are forced to change our whole system. Why? Because now we offer up to thirty days, but with this new Act it MANDATES that employees have seven full sick days to use however they wish. Sure, the seven days are to be used for sick time, but when an employer can't do anything to control the usage, those seven days become additional vacation time for those who typically have minimal sick time. Remember, our average employee takes only 4 days of paid sick time per year, not seven.

And it is not just our company who is looking at having to reduce their sick leave policies. I've spoken with a lot of companies who are very generous and flexible on their sick time, who are also looking at having to reduce their vacation and holiday time off prior to the Act passing/being enacted so the financial hit is minimized. Remember, 30 days after the Act is voted for the company is stuck with whatever policy they have for all time off at that point. Days off could be increased, but not decreased.

I hate to say this, but most Ohioans do not actively follow what is going on in their city, region, county or state. It is completely different from living in Minnesota, when the media outlets did a great job of educating people, and it was easy to gain additional information. I always felt like I knew what was going on. In Ohio, I feel like most issues are worked out behind closed doors. No one knows what is going on, and there is a huge lack of places to find this information out. It is a very shady system, and the people allow it to happen.

What will likely happen in November is that people will go to the polls and see this Act on the ballot. Most people will have no clue about the details Ohio Healthy Families Act, but when they have the option to vote whether employees should get seven paid sick days a year, the majority will vote yes. Unfortunately those individuals will have no clue what other stipulations come with that "Yes" vote. They won't think about the financial implications it will have on companies and job opportunities. They will vote it in, and Ohio will just sink further. It's another reason B and I are looking to leave here as soon as it's feasible.

So, from now until election day, I will do my best to inform people of the initiative, contact government representatives, do what I can to protect my company and the employees, and hope that in the end the people of Ohio will vote this thing down. If you are reading this and live in Ohio, I encourage you to do your research on this issue before you vote. Nothing in this world is free - everything comes with a price.

8.19.2008

Only nine days???

Exactly nine days from now I will be finishing the quarterly financial review with the Board members. Always a big task, but this time the meeting will be held in the morning, at a country club on the east side. While everyone will be making their way to the golf course afterwards, I'll be getting in the car and driving eight-plus hours to Moline, Illinois.

I remember when I started planning my Iowa trip several months ago. At that point I had plenty of time ahead of me to get things done for my mom's 60th. Now, however, I'm left with nine days. Nine very, very short days, and most of them workdays as well.

This is the point where I start beating myself up mentally about not getting things taken care of sooner. Granted, a large part of my procrastination was due to my health. I was hoping by the time Summer came that I'd have some sort of diagnosis and subsequent medication. Well, for me there was no miracle, so I'm now worse off than I was at the start of this, and I have nine days to get everything done. Yes, I've been slowly working on things over the last few weeks, but I feel I've made little progress. A slip on the stairs Friday caused a hurt right knee and sharp pains to the left of my spine (different than what I typically have), so this past weekend was worthless.

There are reservations to make, meals to plan, supplies and groceries to buy, a house to clean, a bathroom to finish painting, gifts to wrap, a car to clean and many, many other "to do" items. Oh, and then there is the cake I need to make and design. Yikes, it's even worse when I type it all out! It's comical, yet...not.

Well, nine days are better than one, so I better start crossing some stuff off the list. I have exactly two minutes left of my lunch...maybe I can get one reservation made.

8.11.2008

One of Many Reasons I Hate The Cleveland Clinic

So today at lunch I had to do what I most hate - try to get a hold of my doctor's office and request a prescription refill. It sounds so simple, doesn't it? In the old days, you'd pick up the phone, call the office, talk with a secretary or nurse. They would then call you back, refill the prescription and you're done. If it took you more than 5 minutes it was a rarity.

But now the trend is automation, voice mail, hold buttons and transfers. I now have to call the main Clinic line; waiting on hold until the one operator is available to take my call. I then say the doctor's name, and that I need a prescription refilled. They transfer me; I'm put on hold again. After a few minutes someone answers. I indicate my name, that I need a refill, and I'm transferred again. And once again I'm on hold.

Then, something new happened today. While I was waiting on hold for the third time, I find myself in an automated prescription refill "center". I'm told my a pre-recorded voice that I will be asked 11 questions, which I am to answer. After I'm done with each answer I am to press the # key.

So I answer the first five questions. Fine, no big deal. Then I get to a prompt that says if I need the prescription mailed, to leave my mailing address. I don't need it mailed, so I don't say anything and hit the # key. I'm then told that there was nothing recorded...and then I'm booted from the system with a "goodbye."

I then start the process all over again, except this time the fourth person I talk to is willing to take down my information on the refill. The total conversation time that took - less than 1 minute. The total time it took me to refill one prescription - 24 minutes.

And this doesn't include the hassle I go through to get the prescription. Usually they write it a day or two later, typically after the point where I'm completely out. It then shows up on my electronic medical record that it's been sent to the pharmacy. Except when I check my pharmacy account online, it's no where to be seen. That's because it takes them an extra day or two to call it in once it's been written.

I've said it once, and I'll say it again - "The" Cleveland Clinic is a joke. Unless you're a celebrity who will get them press, you're just another cow in the pasture.

8.08.2008

An Opportunity

Just when I think I have no luck at all, I get this sent to me this morning. The tides are turning! Since I'm the type of person who likes to share the wealth, if anyone wants to join me on this life-changing venture just let me know.

Hi,

Permit me to inform you of our desire to go into business relationship with you. And let me start by para-phrasing the content of this message to your understanding, I work with Blackwater U.S.A, a US Security Contractor in Iraq that provides security protection for
American diplomats.

Two months ago my team carried out a raid in a Shiite militia stronghold south of Baghdad,Iranian-made weapons were among a large cache of arms and ammunition found during the operations and amount totaling US$35 Million in cash believed intended for use to purchase more arms or to finance the militia activities to frustrate US rebuilding of Iraq goals.

3 of the Senior officers in my team which includes me, have agreed and decided to keep this amount to ourself, reason why i have contacted you to assist us transfer this amount out of Iraq, and after our time in Iraq in some months time, we shall come for the sharing of the
money.

We are willing to offer you the sum of US$3.5M (10% of the total sum) if you could assist us, we hope to hear from you soon in this regard.

Laurie Zaleski
Blackwater USA LLC
Baghdad-Iraq.

08/08/08

I always find it amusing when people make a big deal when the month, day and last two digits of the year are the same. Maybe it's just me, but I don't understand the infatuation of some people with symmetrical dates. And what's funnier is that while some view it as good luck, others think the world will end. I'm sorry, but to me it's just another date, and just another Friday.

Then again, maybe if the Bears had played the Chiefs today, they would have won. Did the "08/07/08" throw them off their game? On the other hand, B is I'm sure thrilled with that result, because the Chiefs are his team. So confusing.

8.07.2008

Poor Cleveland

So this morning I'm driving up to the office building, and the cars are backed up to the street corner. As I neared the entrance, I saw that the cause of the backup was a car search going on for the parking garage next door - which is the Cleveland Federal building.

Security had two lines of cars, and they were going through trunks and the main part of the cars. I saw one security guy digging through someone's bag. Interesting.

While nationally it's received no attention, Cuyahoga County (where Cleveland is located) and several cities have been under investigation by the FBI in recent weeks. Offices have been raided, and they continue to expand the search. Is this extra security related to the investigation? Is it a random act they are required to do once in a great while? Or is there a perceived threat?

Exciting times in Cleveland. Oh, and did you hear the city also was #4 on the "Top Ten List of Dying Cities?" Hence why no one questions us from here when B and I talk openly about getting out of here in the next year or two.

7.29.2008

Things I owe people

First of all, I want to thank my great friends out there for your supportive comments and e-mails. When it comes to family and friends, I have the best out there. I am grateful for each and every one of you.

Second, I owe you pictures. I don't have any yet, but I will. Pictures of my office, lake view, and of course of the fish. The fish - Sammy, Andy and Tony - are quite a hoot these days. While initial they ignored each other, there is definitely some competition in that tank now. Sammy is becoming a big bully, but surprisingly Tony, who is about one-sixth the size, is holding his own. Tony may be small, but he's the fastest and boldest; he takes no guff from anyone. Then there is Andy...who is happy in his own little world, swimming around joyfully, satisfied with his daily ritual and staying out of the never-ending competition between the other two fish. Good times.

This week I have the final accounting reports to finish, a strategic planning session to prep for, and an all-important Homeowners Association meeting. My days in August are filling up fast with meetings and deadlines on a professional level, and because I'm crazy I decided to add one big personal "to-do" in August - planning my mom's 60th birthday party. I threw her a big one for her 50th, and because I took the lead in my dad's I have to take the lead on this one, too. My brilliant idea - at least I think it is - is that I am going to drive over to Iowa, pick up my Grandma G. and bring her back to stay in Ohio for a week or so around Labor Day weekend. My mom hasn't seen her mom since December, and misses her greatly. I think my mom will be completely shocked. I'm expecting a lot of tears, hopefully happy ones. It sounds like a simple surprise, but it's actually a lot to orchestrate. Not only am I spending 17 hours on the road (one way), but then it's timing everything for the big reveal. I'm also in charge of planning some fun events over the weekend, picking a restaurant and making and designing the cake. And since I refuse to make birthday cakes from a box mix, everything is from scratch. I'm trying out a new recipe ahead of time to see if it's better than the one I used for my dad, but it's definitely a lot of work. Lots of time on my feet...which will be unbelievably hard, but completely worth it for my mom. We don't always get along, as we're quite different in many aspects, but she would do anything for any of us and often has.

So that is my life these days. I promise, I'll post some good pics soon.

7.23.2008

S. S. Lives

Yesterday was moving day for the accounting department. While that is a story on its own, what I just saw made me stop in my tracks.

My arch rival, Speedy Smalls...is apparently alive and living in my new office. Or at least one of his relatives is. When I moved out of my office I thoroughly searched for him and found nothing. And now, peering out of the vent area in my new space, I saw him. This time he was in reach, but when I went to crush him he darted out of view and back into the vent system. Same size, same speed, and the exact same area he lived in on the other side of the office. Coincidence?

I had the drive to kill him before, but the longer he escapes me the more eager I am to see him dead. I hate killing anything, but S. S. is so devilishly cleaver that I fear he will continue to torment me if I don't take him out. I may need something more powerful than the human hand here. I'm thinking a spray. Yes, the $5 bucks spent and lingering smell would certainly be worth the end result.

7.21.2008

Construction

I'm writing today from the center of a construction zone. Everything in my office is covered with a fine, thickly layered dust. Outside my office door - oh, wait, they took the door out so it's really just an entryway now - I'm looking at the shell of what once was the accounting department. The used offices have been cleared, walls knocked down, ceiling tiles taken out and the flooring pulled.

This is what I walked into this morning, to my complete surprise. Last Friday was a "Friday-off", but when I last left these offices everything was as it has been for 10 years. It's quite a startling sight to see everything transformed in mere hours.

I walked to my new corner office on the opposite side of the building, and it's a completely different world. New carpet, new walls, everything empty, clean, vacuumed and ready for its new occupant, which happens to be me!

Unfortunately I'm stuck in the old, torn down area until they get the data connections in place on the new side. Yes, one would think that would have been one of the first things accomplished, but it was unintentionally forgotten. So now I'm stuck back here; lungs, eyes and throat burning, and feeling very dizzy and ill from all of the allergy and headache medicine I'm taking beyond the current medications I'm on for my pain issues. Last week it was bothering me just having all of this down the hallway, but to be surrounded by it is a bit much. To top it off, this is the second quarter close period, which means long work hours.

I'm going to try and not complain though, because I'm sure our move is just around the corner. Then the hell really begins.

7.12.2008

Reflection

This year I've found myself withdrawn and ignoring my blog. I'm still writing, just not posting. It's been a difficult year, going from doctor to doctor, having test after test, trying to figure out why I'm in so much pain and why it continues to increase in intensity. I have found myself frustrated, angry, depressed, overwhelmed and beaten down. I hit rock bottom a few weeks ago when I was told point blank by a neurologist that I was a "sweet girl", but that my fate was sealed when I got the artificial disc...there was no hope for improvement or change, and would likely continue to get worse and further erode my chances of a "normal" existence.

When you hit the bottom you have three choices - take yourself out, stay at the bottom or crawl your way back up. It took me a few weeks, but I've picked myself up off the ground. Mentally I've been "rebuilding" and getting myself back into fighting form. It's tough, physically my body is not cooperating, but I'm getting there. I've exhausted almost all options with the Cleveland Clinic, which is a frustrating system to try to navigate through when you're a single patient trying to find answers to something not easily diagnosed. I'm exploring a few new avenues, and have reopened communication with my original spine surgeon. He works with my father, and appears willing to help me in getting information from the artificial disc manufacturer and also the surgeons who have had the most experience in this area. A chief medical officer who works with my dad has also offered to help by showing my records, tests, history, etc. to a few of his physician colleagues for input and suggestions.

The road still has no end in sight, but I'm not giving up. I've come too far to give up, and quite frankly it would be very selfish of me to stop. I have a wonderful husband, family and friends that make me want to keep fighting another day. Despite the setbacks I've had these last three years, I've still managed to have a life. It's not what I envisioned for myself at age 32, but there are still a lot of things to be grateful for, and that includes the few of you out there that are reading this blog.

If there are new developments on the health front I'll post it, but otherwise this is the last health-related blog for awhile. I have enough other good stuff going on to blog about. But for now I'm calling it a night.

Introducing...

Tonight we added two new redcap goldfish to the tank. After Louie's death last week, I promised Sammy that if he made it through the week, I'd get him a new tank-mate. He was pretty down the first couple of days, but was back to normal by Friday. It was time to keep my end of the bargain.

We've always had two fish, and then when one dies the other is left alone. I've entertained the idea of having three fish so when one passes, the other two still have each other. I was planning on getting just one, came up with a name, and just needed to find the perfect fish to fit.

Then this morning B notified me that Tony Snow had died. I was a bit bummed...first Russert, now Snow. I didn't always agree with Tony, but he didn't let people sweet talk their way out of a question, and had the perfect tv/radio voice and radiated calmness.

So we went to the store tonight and choose two fish. I want to officially welcome Andy and Tony to the family. Tony is slightly larger and exceptionally calm and likes to explore. Andy is just crazy, wacky and all over the place. He's also scares easily. Andy is named after the character from "The Office"; he's not my favorite character, but he is my favorite character added to a hit show during the mid-course of it's run.

I don't want to freak out the newbies with the bright camera flash yet; maybe tomorrow I'll try to get some pictures for a proper introduction.

7.06.2008

The Amazing Silverstone

I've been losing my love for Formula 1 over the last couple of years, but gained a little of it back after an great Silverstone Race today. Though I've only watched the live timing/commentary on the web (it won't be played here in the U.S. until 1pm today), it was awesome. Hamilton blew everyone away, and the best part...Barrichello placed third!!! Rubens always does amazing at Silverstone, which is a reason I chose him for the Formula 1 pool we have going (and the one I'm currently losing). I haven't watched a race from start to finish in awhile, but I'm definitely watching today.

I would love to say that maybe the Formula 1 powers that be will re-think their decision to get rid of Silverstone after 2010, but I doubt it. It appears their goal is to get rid of every decent track/race from the schedule. First Indy...now Silverstone. No wonder I've started watching NASCAR (and J.P. Montoya) more and more. Less politics, more racing, and more consideration given to fans.

7.05.2008

Remembering Louie

Louie, a.k.a. "Big Lou"
September 1, 2006 to July 5, 2008

This morning our oldest fish, Louie, passed away. He had struggled with dropsy over the past couple of weeks, likely due to cancer.

We "adopted" Louie on September 1, 2006, which was also my mother's birthday. At the time we had another redcap goldfish, Fish One, who was our first fish and also 3-1/2 years old at the time. Fish One's tank mate (Norman) had passed that June, and seemed to be missing the company another fish provided. So we got Louie. He was always recognizable in the tank due to his unusual orange markings on his belly.

Even though Fish One was often a bully to other fish, he seemed to get along with Louie ok. Louie's laid back attitude made life in the tank very tranquil. When Fish One passed of old age two months later, Louie always seemed to remember his place. He was never one to enjoy the spotlight. When we got him a brother, Sammy "The Knee" in February 2007, Louie showed him the ropes and was always willing to let Sammy get the attention. When Sammy grew bigger and started throwing more of his weight around the tank, Louie let him have his way without any fuss. They were family, and Louie and Sammy grew close. During Louie's last weeks, Sammy would often sit at the bottom of the tank with Louie, fin to fin, in loving support.

Louie would never have the distinction of being our first fish or most loved fish, but his kindness and willingness to quietly fight in his final weeks will always be remembered. He was typically more of a loner, but truly had a good soul. He brought much happiness and entertainment to our lives. Louie, you will be missed. May your fish tank in the sky be filled with food, lots of plants, and plenty of rocks for you to suck up.

7.04.2008

4th of July

On July 4, 1776, the people in the colonies of the future United States claimed their independence from Britain and Democracy was born. That was 232 years ago, and though this country definitely has a lot of serious problems, I still believe it's the best one in the world.

Though I've usually been more of a Lincoln buff, these past several months I've been more focused on history of the Revolution and the formation of our government. I must thank HBO's brilliant "John Adams" for re-introducing me to characters that I loved reading about as a child. Those were times when men, women and children sacrificed everything they had to be free of oppression and to have a voice. Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness - this is what they sought.

Today is truly a celebration, and I hope everyone has a great time in whatever manner they see fit to acknowledge the occasion.

6.03.2008

Nemesis

I have a new nemesis. I call him "Speedy Smalls" (a mob name..but in no way related to our fish "Sammy the Knee" ). He has lurked around my office for the last week, sneaking in and out of the tiniest of places. He avoids capture by cleverly staying out of reach, always taunting me with his dead-behind-the-eyes stares. I have mumbled and cursed threats; on several occasions, tried to find something that would allow me to reach him and guarantee his death at the same time. My attempts have been unsuccessful. He has speed and smallness on his side.

Today Speedy Smalls took things to a new level. He started on the day on my window blinds, gazing at bugs that have attached themselves to my outside window. While consumed in work, I suddenly see a flurry of black come down upon me, almost on my right hand. Like Spiderman himself, Speedy Smalls propelled himself downward from the ceiling, towards me. I freaked. I frantically moved my stuff, waiting for him to land on solid surface so I could kill the bastard. He stayed suspended in mid-air for what seemed like an eternity, mocking me. As quickly as he appeared, Speedy Smalls landed on the desk and took off towards the window ledge. I tried to catch him, but missed. My strength was no match for his speed.

Since that time he managed to peek his head up once out of my heating/air conditioning unit, but then darted away as soon as I stood up. What will Speedy Smalls do next? Climb into my Diet Mt. Dew can? Do a sky-diving land in my hair? Crawl into my laptop bag and follow me home so he can terrorize me there?

I'm not sure what S.S. has in mind, but I vow that I will kill him before I move into my new space on the other side of the building, which is in the next two weeks.

I will crush him, smile, and know that the world is safer without him. "Goodbye, Speedy Smalls."

5.25.2008

The Center of Iowa

Blogging today from the center and capital of Iowa - Des Moines. Speed TV is on in the background, as we're watching the F1 Monaco race. A few of my favorites are in the points, but unfortunately my picks for the week did poorly. B, a co-worker of his and myself have a friendly bet going on (mostly for bragging rights) where we picked two drivers for each race based on skill level and teams. Too complex to describe...but I'm now in 3rd. Yikes, hopefully the next few drives will bring me better luck! I hate to lose, even if it is "fantasy racing." As the only girl I need to hold my own here.

Just arrived in Iowa late yesterday. The plan was to originally leave Friday, but I had a bone scan at CCF that took five hours. They give you an injection of this dye, take a few motion scans, then you have to kill time for four hours while it goes through your system. Then you go back for the series of 10 minute scans. Now the purpose of the scan is to look for fractures, healing, deterioration or cancerous bone. If there are issues with the bone, the dye they injection sticks to the bone and makes it look florescent on the scans. They did scans of my low back and legs - and the low back looked quite "green." They showed scans to the head doctor in the department, who also wanted to do a CAT/CT scan of my entire mid section so they could lay those on top of the bone scan results. Which was a little odd, since I had a CT scan two weeks ago. So, they either found something, or the glob of metal in my back skewed things. Unless my doc calls me sooner I have to wait until June 11th to find out, so no use worrying about things.

So B and I got on the road at 6:15am Saturday, and it was a good trip. We used our EZ Pass in Indiana and Illinois, and that was real slick - and a time saver. Checked into our Des Moines hotel, then drove another 45 minutes to have dinner with B's mom. She looks great, and we had a good time. We'll be here today and Monday, then head to Iowa City Monday night. Tuesday morning we're stopping by the farm to see Grandma G., then we make the long drive home.

I know most people think Iowa is flat and boring, but it's really quite beautiful. If we had the money, I'd buy property here. The trees, rolling hills, creeks and ponds....it's so serene. I see the land for the beauty it holds, and I'm reminded of my Grandpa G., who worked his small part of this land for 80 years of his life. Though he traveled often to see his kids (and often my family as we were the big "movers"), he was happiest here, working on and living off the land. Though I'm a city girl, I will always have a great appreciation for the beauty this land holds; it's my second home.

I digress. Off I go, as we should be heading off for our visit. Wishing everyone a great and safe Memorial Day weekend.