I have a new nemesis. I call him "Speedy Smalls" (a mob name..but in no way related to our fish "Sammy the Knee" ). He has lurked around my office for the last week, sneaking in and out of the tiniest of places. He avoids capture by cleverly staying out of reach, always taunting me with his dead-behind-the-eyes stares. I have mumbled and cursed threats; on several occasions, tried to find something that would allow me to reach him and guarantee his death at the same time. My attempts have been unsuccessful. He has speed and smallness on his side.

Today Speedy Smalls took things to a new level. He started on the day on my window blinds, gazing at bugs that have attached themselves to my outside window. While consumed in work, I suddenly see a flurry of black come down upon me, almost on my right hand. Like Spiderman himself, Speedy Smalls propelled himself downward from the ceiling, towards me. I freaked. I frantically moved my stuff, waiting for him to land on solid surface so I could kill the bastard. He stayed suspended in mid-air for what seemed like an eternity, mocking me. As quickly as he appeared, Speedy Smalls landed on the desk and took off towards the window ledge. I tried to catch him, but missed. My strength was no match for his speed.

Since that time he managed to peek his head up once out of my heating/air conditioning unit, but then darted away as soon as I stood up. What will Speedy Smalls do next? Climb into my Diet Mt. Dew can? Do a sky-diving land in my hair? Crawl into my laptop bag and follow me home so he can terrorize me there?

I'm not sure what S.S. has in mind, but I vow that I will kill him before I move into my new space on the other side of the building, which is in the next two weeks.

I will crush him, smile, and know that the world is safer without him. "Goodbye, Speedy Smalls."

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