12.31.2009

Thank Goodness For .....

Looking back at the last 10 years, I thought I'd write down what I'm most thankful for:

Technology:

  1. TIVO
  2. iPods
  3. Wireless access
  4. EZ Pass technology
  5. Navigational systems

TV Shows:
  1. Arrested Development
  2. The Office
  3. Top Chef
  4. The Soup
  5. Lost and House (it's a tie)

Web Sites:
  1. Facebook
  2. The awesomeness of Google & it's search engine
  3. Blogger
  4. Television Without Pity
  5. Crazy Days & Nights (.net)

Great Cities to Visit:
  1. Washington, D.C.
  2. Chicago
  3. Kansas City, MO
  4. Minneapolis/St. Paul, MN
  5. New York City, NY

The First 10 Years of the 21st Century (2006-2009)

As a continuation from my previous post. Part two, years 2006 to 2009.

2006

  • The calm after the storm.
  • I continued to suffer from unexplained back and leg pain. Then all-over body pain kicked in. I was given injections, had nerves partially cut and prescribed medications that ruined my brain. I was miserable and I couldn't get answers. Doctors kept ping-ponging me to other doctors.
  • I turned 30 in May. In an effort to make the birthday special, my parents bought me a piano. Music = happiness.
  • I went to Chicago and met up with Maurice, Chrissy & her husband Mike. It had been awhile since we spent a weekend there. It wasn't long after we left that Chrissy & Mike had their first child!
  • Brad started his MBA program that summer.
  • Our fish Norman died; he was a little over 2 years old. In August we got another fish, Eddie, who got this horrible disease from the store and only lived three weeks. We then bought Sammy ("The Knee") who was pretty hardy & healthy.
  • We went to another Formula 1 race, as we got two free tickets after the tire incident the year before. We gave the free ones to a friend of ours in California, who brought his girlfriend. Brad & I were there Thursday - Sunday. We got to do the pit walk-thru, which was amazing. It was sweltering hot (over 100 degrees and humid), but it was a lot of fun. At the first corner of the race there was a massive accident, so minimal cars actually raced. Again we were robbed of a normal race. It was the last race in the U.S. before it was pulled from the schedule.
  • My Grandma Balarin & her husband Roy moved to Akron from California in July. It was the first time in my lifetime that she didn't live over a thousand miles away; unfortunately the closer distance didn't improve the overall family relationship. I don't think she knows how to be a parent or grandmother, and I don't think she's too concerned with that. But we still love her, she's family.
  • For work, I participated in my first major webinar as an educator/instructor, on the topic of retail clinics, which was sponsored by a large healthcare association. The owner of our firm was the moderator, and the VP was the other educator. It was a huge success, and out of the three of us I had the highest rankings. It was another high point at a job I hated.
  • In October Brad & I went back to Minnesota for my cousin Tate's wedding, which also allowed us to see old friends/co-workers. We had a great time reconnecting, and made it for the standard Friday-afternoon-drinking at Concept Group where I (and Brad) had once worked. We also went to an art fair where a few old Grouper's had work on display. It was nice to be back, though we didn't get to stay long enough.
  • In November I saw an orthopedic surgeon with The Cleveland Clinic. After looking at 13-month old CT scans, he noticed I had vertebrae fractures (three of them) above the artificial disc, which is why they thought I was in so much pain. A surgery was scheduled for 2007.
  • I took Brad to our first football game in Ohio in December - Browns vs. Chiefs. Browns won at the end, we were disappointed. It was freezing cold and the Browns fans were drunk, rowdy, loud and rude. They really ruined the game more than the loss.
  • Immediately after Christmas Brad received a call from his mom. She was suffering from end stages of renal failure. We hopped in the car and drove the 12 hour drive to Iowa to visit her. The docs gave her 6 months; she definitely outlasted their predictions. Yet another fighter in the family, and another year ending with unhappy news.

2007

  • The founder of the company I worked for left and sued the new owners for breach of contract. He also started a new business to compete with them. It was ugly. I knew I had to start looking for another job, because without the founder (who was the only sales person - and great at it), the company would fail. I was also miserable there. I tried to help the company by trying my best to market/sell our services (since I was the only one with a marketing background), but they just didn't get it and usually made decisions that were not in the best interest of the business.
  • The Bears went to the SuperBowl against the Colts. The Bears lost. On the way home from my parent's, a deer ran out in front of my car and did some damage. (must have been a celebrating Colts fan)
  • Had a partial fusion spine surgery on Tuesday, February 20. Got out in two days from the hospital, though it was only because the treatment I received was horrible & I wanted to go home. The pain levels were so bad I should have stayed another day. I was home for four weeks recovering. I could tell immediately that the partial fusion had done more harm than good. It greatly limited my mobility and I was in even more pain.
  • Brad & I celebrated our 5th anniversary at home. He worked,& I was still recovering at home from the back surgery. My parents were kind enough to bring us a meal from a local steakhouse, and they also picked up a cake I had ordered that was to represent the cake we had at our wedding. The cake was pretty horrible, but was still had a good evening. It had been an eventful five years.
  • In April, Brad's uncle died in Fairfax, VA. He was a great guy, and we had visited him many times. Truly a class act. I will remember him for our late night talks around the kitchen table while drinking and snacking.
  • Also in April I had my first work-related article published, on retail clinics. It had two other names listed as authors for "marketing" purposes, but in reality I wrote the whole thing. Another accomplishment. I ghost-wrote two other articles for the large health care association that year as well. Because my job was as a business analyst/project manager/marketer, the names of the owners/VPs were more important to showcase.
  • In May I spent five days in NYC. It was for work (the old founder was doing teaching engagements and I had to attend for hard-to-explain reasons), but I had a lot of play time, too. I walked/explored the streets alone, day & night. I saw lots of Midtown & Times Square. I also went to Battery Park, Wall Street, and the WTC site. Being at the WTC was something I'll never forget. Though it was almost six years later, there was still a giant hole in the earth where the towers once stood. It adds a different perspective to the events of that day.
  • Our original fish, Fish One, passed away. He was four years old, which is a miracle. I never thought I'd be able to keep something alive that long. He was such an interactive fish, I hated to see him go. I wrapped him in tissue paper and put him in this rectangular tin I had gotten when I was a kid; on the tin it had fishes swimming in clear blue water with colorful plants and shells. We buried him under a berry bush we planted in our front entryway of our home.
  • I continued my search for answers to my pain, because it just continued to get worse. I could also tell it was not just spine-related. Frustration continued to grow. Given the health situation and the events from 2005, I will say I started finding myself in a depression that lasted several years. I'm still not sure if I'm 100% out of it, but I am much better.
  • At the end of September my Grandma Grimm had a massive heart attack. Though over 90% of her heart was not functional, she bounced back against the odds. Another fighter who never gives up. I love her so much and I'm glad she's still with us.
  • While my mom was back in Iowa with her mom, our family cat Benny became very ill. Turns out he had what my brother nicknamed "kitty cancer." Poor long-haired cat had to have his entire body shaved with the exception of his face and the end of his tail; he looked like a little lion. He was prescribed meds and went through a few procedures, and my parents took the best care of him & spared no expense to extend his life & make him comfortable.
  • In November I received a job offer for a Controller position with the engineering firm I worked for in 2003-2004. I took it. I was miserable at the consulting firm, though I had made close friendships with several people. It was time to leave, though. I started my new position on December 10. It was a great way to end the year.


2008

  • Started the year fighting with Cleveland Clinic doctors who at this point wanted nothing to do with me because they couldn't diagnose me. However, I got one test back that allowed me to put the pieces together - a high ANA level and low platelets. The docs didn't know what to do with this, but I did my research and discovered it could be an implant reaction from my 2005 spine surgery. All the symptoms fit, I just had to find someone to help me prove it. It took me until October to find that person, and he was in Baltimore, Maryland.
  • This was a year of "holding steady." Brad continued working towards his MBA, and frequently visited his mother. I dug in at my job and put in a ton of hours to start updating and improving how the accounting/HR department was functioning. However, with my health continuing to worsen, I began to fear how much longer I'd be able to work.
  • For our 6th anniversary we went to D.C. for a four-day weekend. I think this is when we really fell in love with the region and started thinking about moving there.
  • In the early Spring we decided to buy a couple more fish for the tank to keep Sammy company; Andy & Frankie. All redcap goldfish, and all very funny fish to interact with.
  • 2008 Presidential election; yet another election where I don't want to vote for any candidate. Not only was I depressed about my own condition, but now I was depressed about where our country was heading. The financial bubble burst and everything took a sharp downturn - housing, jobs, everything. We were lucky, our jobs were relatively safe and our finances were stable. It was hard to see a few friends have harder paths.
  • The week before election night I lost Sammy, our fish. On election day/night I also lost Andy & Frankie. Something definitely went through the tank, but I couldn't save them. We decided to put away the tank and to go fishless for awhile. I still miss having them.
  • Brad introduced me to Facebook. I was reluctant, but it's actually been a very cool way of connecting with people across the country that I left behind with my many moves.
  • I had blood tests done in August & in September had the results: I was having a reaction to the metals in the artificial disc. It was likely the cause of my pain and deterioration. My body was attacking itself, and was destroying necessary systems such as platelets, tissues and muscle. I was so happy to have a definitive test result, though most docs still don't believe in implant reactions. They are idiots. I was also a bit angry, as I had asked even before the first surgery if this was a possibility and was told no. I asked that question to every doc I saw from 2005-2008 and was told no; they were wrong. It was a good lesson to always trust your instincts; just because you don't have a medical degree doesn't mean your own knowledge is useless.
  • In October I saw a top surgeon in Baltimore for removal of the artificial disc. He had removed over 100 of them; I knew I was in good hands. While I was in town I also saw the vascular surgeon, as part one of the operation would require a 7" inch cut across the front of me. I was told that the surgery was very dangerous, as it required them to be working next to a major artery. Because I had an implant reaction it had to be done, but I was told to get my affairs in order because the likelihood of me dying on the table was a real possibility. Dying of a blood clot was also a huge risk, so they made the decision to put in an IVC filter right before the surgery - which was made of nickel, a metal that I was already reacting negatively to with the artificial disc. But it's what needed to be done. I only told Brad of the risks, no one else. In the meantime I planned & prepared for the best and worst cases. The surgery was scheduled the week of Thanksgiving.
  • I had to get clearance from my Cleveland Clinic primary care physician for the surgery no more than 30 days prior. I tried to get in early as I was afraid my blood work might be an issue. The scheduler & nurse refused to get me in sooner than two days before I was to leave for Maryland despite my protests. I went in on a Monday; the nurse treated me horribly, I felt like I was in the movie "The Doctor." On Tuesday I got the call; my platelet count was dangerously low, only 31,000. It should have been a minimum of 150,000. I left work to get another blood test run, and this time the count was in the 20's. I was denied surgery and had to go to a hematologist. I lost my surgery time slot, and I also lost my mind for about an hour. All the built up stress of 3-1/2 years came pouring out in about a 90 minute complete & total breakdown.
  • I saw The Cleveland Clinic hematologist, who was another one who didn't believe in implant reactions and how it effects platelet counts. He ran a series of tests, which I had to wait several days on for results before he'd do anything. They came back negative, which I knew they would. He put me on an extremely high dose of steroids for four days, after which I was to just "go off" of. Thanksgiving weekend I had a fever, slept the whole time, felt like I had the flu and my throat starting getting sore.
  • After the treatment my platelets were up at 380,000; he cleared me for surgery for December 15, though by that time the platelets would be back down and I'd still need a transfusion. He had just wanted to "see if he could raise my platelet count." What he did was give me oral thrush, and it almost made me lose my second surgery slot because my throat almost swelled shut. Completely reckless medicine; it wouldn't be the last time I had to deal with him.
  • I left for Baltimore with Brad on December 9. I left work and home not knowing if I'd return. As I took one more look around the living room before we left, I thought to myself "Please don't let Brad return here alone."
  • On December 10 I had the IVC filter put in, which was an outpatient procedure. The next few days we spent sitting around the hotel room while I recovered and did a few last things for the Christmas holiday. I also spent time writing emails to family & friends, knowing it could be the last thing they receive from me.
  • On December 13 we were treated to a home cooked meal at cousin's house (Brad's side). It was great to spend the evening with such a wonderful family.
  • On December 14 I had a "last day" idea - to go to Philadelphia & see Independence Hall with Brad. I love D.C., but I really wanted to see Philly. It also allowed us to drive through Delaware & New Jersey, so I could cross two more states off my list. While we didn't get to eat at Morimoto's because it was closed, we ate across the street at Jone's, which was owned by the same restaurant group. I ate my last pre-surgery meal: a perfect bowl of chicken noodle soup. I had never tasted soup that simple yet flavorful. Around 9:30pm my parents & brother arrived at the hotel; they had flown in from Ohio to be there for the surgery. I didn't know it at the time, but my mom had done research and knew death was very possible. There was no way they were not going to be there. My brother gave me a mini bear with the Chicago Bears logo on it. That meant so much to me that they were there, and that bear went with me to the hospital.
  • On Monday, December 15, I had back surgeries 3 & 4. The surgery lasted a little over three hours, which was much shorter than anticipated. I needed a platelet transfusion. The surgical staff were wonderful. The surgeons were so skilled and they gave me my life back. I will forever be grateful to them. I came out of the operating room with two-seven inch incisions in the front & back of me. I was in post-op for several hours waiting for my room, but I was able to see Brad, my dad & brother briefly. I was brought to a beautiful, fairly new private room about 20 minutes before my dad & brother had to leave to go back to Ohio. I had a stomach tube and many other tubes & IV's in me. Thank goodness for pain meds. Brad & my mom stayed in town, and came every day to the hospital to sit with me and help me through the daily tasks that occurred.
  • On Friday, December 19 I was released from the hospital to a Residence Inn. That hotel became my home the next 2-1/2 weeks. My mom stayed a few more days and then went back to Ohio. Poor Brad was stuck with me, but he was so wonderful.
  • On December 22 I had my first physical therapy visit - and my last. I was able to walk the hallways without a walker and was able to do a flight of stairs on my own, at a good pace. I was also able to do most tasks for myself; I was ahead of the curve, but had also been through the surgery thing before!
  • Before my mom left, Brad got to see a friend at a local news station on a Sunday morning. She let him sit in their "news room" so you could see him during the broadcast. He was like a kid in a candy store, and he totally deserved that experience.
  • Brad & I spent Christmas Eve at the hotel. I started the day out with a great surprise - i was able to have my 50+ staples removed. I was thrilled! For dinner, since we had a kitchen in the room we made a traditional "Iowa" meal - ham, mashed potatoes, roles and dessert. We watched "Christmas Vacation." It still felt like the holidays though we missed being with family.
  • On Christmas Day Brad gave me a very special gift - a necklace from Jared. It had six stones, three clear and three emerald (which is my birthstone). Basically one stone for every year of marriage. It was a special gift because it was the first piece of jewelry I had gotten besides my engagement/wedding ring, and because of the timing of it all.
  • On Sunday, December 28, around 9pm, Brad got a call from a cousin in Iowa; his mom was in the hospital and not in good shape. All of a sudden he had to deal with a wife who was to hopefully be cleared to leave the state the next day, and a mother who was not well. It was horrible timing, and set the stage for 2009.
  • December 29 I was cleared to go home. We spent the afternoon packing, and Brad spent time on the phone caring remotely for his mom. The next day we did the trip back to Ohio in a day; I wanted to get home so Brad could continue on to Iowa, which he decided to do. I stayed home, as I wasn't good enough to make the trip. It broke my heart to not be there for him.

2009

  • The first couple of months were tough. Brad went to Iowa a few times for his mom, who eventually went from the hospital to a nursing home. He was also trying to stay on track for his MBA, as this was to be his last year. So he was balancing a surgical-recovery patient of a wife, a sick mom, work and his MBA classes.
  • I started working from home at the first of the year. In fact, I had really been working the entire time, but now I was putting in full days. I was even emailing from my hospital bed...sad, I know. By late January I was splitting my time between home & the office, and by February I was back in the office full time. It was year-end close and very hectic; I wished my surgery would have occurred in November as it would have been better timing, but nothing I could do there!
  • In February I had to get clearance to get the IVC filter removed in Baltimore. I went to a new primary care physician who was not a Cleveland Clinic doc. My platelet count was 16,000; I'm guessing the nickel filter that was in a main artery was really sending my body into a sad state of affairs. The doc referred me back to the Cleveland Clinic hematologist, as I was a new patient and she thought that was the best route even though I tried to get her to change her mind. I went back to the loon, who talked me into scheduling an IV treatment that lasted 6 hours...and was also very "alternative" and needed special clearance from insurance. I scheduled it, but went home & did the research, and found it was to be used for lymphoma patients only. It was very dangerous and could cause strokes, blindness, etc., especially when the patient didn't have lymphoma. So basically the hematologist was trying to kill me for his own sick pleasure. Again, he just wanted to see if he could raise the count; he admitted I would still need a transfusion before the procedure. I managed to reach the vascular surgeon, who told me to cancel the procedure, ignore the crazy docs and Cleveland and just come up to Baltimore; they would take care of everything. The day of the procedure my platelets were at 9,000; I basically had none. They did the transfusion and then took out the filter by going in through my neck. I was awake the whole time, and still have the scar. I saw the filter after they pulled it out, and it was 5x's bigger than I had imagined.
  • In March, Brad & I went to see his mom, who continued to decline. On our way there we got a call; she was getting worse. We spent four days there; I had to leave to go back to work for a deposition that I couldn't get out of. It was a hassle getting back home (thanks, Delta), but when I did get back the deposition was canceled - go figure. The next day, March 20, at 12:30am CST, Brad's mom passed away. Brad was at the nursing home but was not in the room with her at the time. She was such an amazing woman and outlived the predictions. The visitation and funeral were so touching, and so many people came out to pay respects from both of our families. It was also the first time I got to meet my niece (Zoe) and nephew (Roman), and also Brad's brother Todd who is in the military and couldn't make it to our wedding.
  • In May I turned 33, and felt like I was having a mini-life crisis. All of a sudden I started wondering what I had done with my life. I wasn't satisfied with where I was at.
  • At the end of May we visited Cincinnati and my friend Maurice. While we were there Benny, the family cat, passed away.
  • In June I decided to replace the Corolla I bought in 2005, since it had 80,000 miles on it. I bought a 2010 Corolla, which had bluetooth, satellite radio, the ability to plug my iPod into the stereo and an awesome sound system. I practically live in my car because of my long commute, so those things were must haves.
  • In July we took our first trip to the northeast. My brother was in Cape Cod over the summer with a theatre group (through his university in Ohio), so the main reason was to see him. We spent time in Quincy, Mass., and saw the homes & burial sites of John & John Quincy Adams. Saw my brother for only a few hours, but it was still a great time. We spent the 4th of July day in Boston, and the evening in Providence, RI where we saw WaterFire. We started heading back and stopped at Foxwoods in Connecticut, the coolest casino ever - I wish we could have stayed longer than a few hours! Our final stop was in Auburn, NY, where we visited William Seward's home. It was honestly the best historical house I have ever been to in my life. The family did an amazing job preserving the house, and he was a fascinating person.
  • On July 15 I had carpal tunnel surgery on my right hand; it was successful. But the best news came when they did the pre-surgery blood work - my platelet count was back to normal at 191,000. Yeah!
  • Also in July, I started "Troy McClure Wednesday's" on Facebook. Every Wednesday I do a new Troy McClure quote; it's a highlight of my week.
  • In August, Brad started his last MBA class - economics.
  • In October, Brad got a much deserved promotion. After which he decided to also get a new car, a 2010 Camry.
  • Also in October, I had another series of blood tests run; my platelet count was 331,000. Unbelievably normal/strong count! I also found that the weird all-body pains I had were finally gone. However, I was still left with nerve, muscle & tissue damage from the 3-1/2 years I struggled with the auto-immune reaction to the artificial disc.
  • In November, after Thanksgiving, we went to Chicago for the weekend. I saw my friend Chrissy & her husband, and finally met her (now) two kids. We also ate at a Weber Grill restaurant and picked up some special Gibson's Steakhouse seasoning. It was a great weekend!
  • December was a hectic mess. Long hours at work. Not enough time to get Christmas stuff done. And to top it off, I got a horrible sinus infection followed by a bad cold.
  • December 7 - Brad takes his last final (which he passes); he is now done with his MBA!
  • On December 17 Brad & I took off for a Midwest trip. I was still sick, but we weren't canceling! It was mostly a gift to Brad for his MBA, and also a chance for us to see our Iowa family. We spent time in Springfield, Illinois, where we saw Lincoln's home & the museum; we also drove through the mobile home park I lived at when I was three. We went to Kansas City where I took him to Ruth's Chris for a good steak; the next morning we ate at a local diner gem where I met two of his college friends. One of them I was excited to meet - Traci. If we lived in Kansas City I could picture us being close friends, she is absolutely fantastic. We went to Arrowhead and saw a Chiefs vs. Browns game, and once again the Browns won. However, the experience was awesome; I've never been to a football game where the fans weren't drunk and rude. The energy was amazing. We went to Maryville, MO, where Brad went to college. Classes were out, but faculty were there. We ran into several who remembered Brad, and we got a tour of the broadcasting facility where he spent most of his time. We also got to meet with the new President of the University for about 15-20 minutes, unannounced; he had been one of Brad's teachers. What a great guy, honestly, it was an honor to meet him. We then went to Iowa where we spent time with family & friends from both of our families, though we didn't have time to see them all. It was a really special time, and we outran the snow storm that was following us. What we didn't outrun was the constant downpour of rain, which continued for 3-1/2 days during our travels.
  • Christmas Eve was spent at the Grimm farm. It was great seeing my family, who I hadn't seen since 2007. One of my cousin's gave me a "Mr. Plow" (Simpson's) ornament, which is awesome, in honor of my Troy McClure Wednesday's. She also asked me to be a reader in her wedding in October 2010; I was surprised and very honored.
  • Christmas Eve night was also the standard "drive to Chicago and spend the night at a hotel; get a few hours of sleep and then head to wherever home is the next day." On Christmas Day we arrived at about 3pm in Akron, where we spent Christmas with my parents, brother, and Grandma Balarin (husband Roy is in a nursing home with Alzheimer's as of a few months ago).
  • The last week of 2009 I decided that I need a drastic life change. I work too much, take care of myself too little, and I'm not happy with how my life is allocated. So I'm taking steps to change it. Step 1: Get back into the Franklin Planner system. I was introduced to it in 1997 and it changed my life for the better. I got away from it a few years ago, and I need that system back. I'm a better person when I utilize the system. I have a very busy 2010 ahead of me and I don't want to lose focus on what is most important in life. Step 2: Write a big, long recap of the past decade. Get it all out on the table, and then put it to bed. It is, after all, a new year and a new decade.

The First 10 Years of the 21st Century (2000-2005)

I didn't realize it until the other day, but as of tomorrow (1/1/10) we've made it past the first decade of the 21st century. I often wonder what I've done with my life those past ten years, so here's a (very long) recap. This way when my mind is completely gone I'll have this to look back on. Here is part one, years 2000-2005.

2000

  • Lived in downtown St. Paul at the Pointe of St. Paul, which were apartments at the time. Brad was my roommate. We were on the 25th floor, had a large balcony and amazing view of downtown & the Mississippi River. Because we were down the street from the state capitol building, we also had a lot of politicians living there. Because of the free breakfast Friday's we got to know many of them. Lots of interesting discussions, and in the end you realize they are people, too.
  • Promoted to Business Director for Concept Group. Was overseeing/handling the accounting, HR, IT and management aspects of the business. It was four blocks from where I lived, so I often just walked to/from work. It was awesome.
  • Attended Metropolitan State University, working towards a double-major of business administration and organizational communication. I had a very high GPA and the teacher's loved me. I loved the institution as it was geared towards working adults who had actual experience in the real world (like me).
  • Traveled to California that year (San Francisco, Fresno - to see my friend Kevin -Yosemite & Napa), and also made many trips to Illinois and Iowa to visit family.
  • My parents/brother moved to Akron, Ohio; I made a few trips there, which was my first time visiting Ohio instead of just driving through it.
  • I turned 24 years old on May 15; Brad turned 30 on January 21.
  • For the first time I took an active role in local politics. I was elected Secretary for our precinct and attended the district & state conventions. I saw lots of politicians in action; most whom I was not impressed with, but a few others blew me away. I still follow a few of them closely, and I'm hoping one of them runs for President some day.

2001
  • I was able to get tickets to the Presidential inauguration in D.C. However, I became horribly ill about six days beforehand with the flu, bronchitis and walking pneumonia. I was a mess, lost 15 pounds in 20 days, and couldn't do anything but sleep. I had to miss the event. I missed about 10 days of work, the longest ever (for a non-surgery related ailment).
  • Brad asked me to marry him on May 15, 2001 (my 25th birthday), in the kitchen of our apartment, around 6:30pm. The next evening we saw Billy Joel & Elton John in concert at the Target Center, which was an awesome way to celebrate.
  • Did my longest trip to California, with Brad, for 10 days. Hit Los Angeles, Dana Point, Fresno, Yosemite, Sacramento, Napa and San Francisco.
  • My Grandpa Suntken was moved to Ohio in August and into assisted living; he was suffering from either dementia or Alzheimer's. His mental health declined significantly after that move.
  • In mid-August I missed a step at the zoo and landed hard on one of my feet/legs. I ended up partially herniating the already torn disc in my back. I was on bed rest for a week.
  • 9/11. No one who lived through it will forget it. It really did seem to "change everything."
  • That Fall was the last time I took college courses; I did not get my diploma nor have I returned. The key reason was that the back pain increased too much for me to work as much as I did and also attend school.
  • My mom's side of the family threw a wedding shower for Brad & I on Christmas Eve in a mansion in Clinton, Iowa. It was the first time many of the family members met Brad, and he was welcomed with open arms.
2002
  • Brad & I were married on March 2, 2002 at the St. Paul College Club in St. Paul, Minnesota. It was a high of 3 degrees with perfectly clear skies; it was very sunny. A blizzard had come through a couple days before, and the snow was frozen into blocks of ice. The ceremony started around 5:10pm (10 minutes late) and was done by 5:40pm. The reception was also held on-site; it was a great day despite the fact I was suffering from a severe sinus infection. We had 58 people in attendance; our closest family & friends. This was one of the best days of my life.
  • Living in downtown after 9/11 lost a bit of its appeal, so we moved to a rental townhome in Woodbury, MN. It was great, as there were walking paths nearby and it was a great place to go for a walk every day after work.
  • My brother graduated from high school in Ohio that June, and everyone was there for the event. I was so proud of him.
  • Brad had to spend time in Denver for his job, so one weekend I flew in and joined him. We spent three days in Colorado Springs, and it was gorgeous. We also did a trip up to Pike's Peak.
  • While driving home on Christmas Day from Iowa, Brad & I made the decision to move from Minnesota the next year. It was between Chicago and Cleveland.
2003
  • I met up with my friend Moe in January in Chicago, who helped me scope out apartments (Brad couldn't take off work). He played a gay, interior-designer-oriented friend (though he is, in reality, none of these things except a friend). It was a blast.
  • I told my employer in February that my last day would be at the end of May. I had too many responsibilities, I needed to give them that kind of notice/preparation.
  • Brad & I spent our 1st anniversary at Walton Hills in Ohio. It was a great romantic getaway. We also spent time looking for places to live, and we found the perfect one the last day we were there. We put down a deposit and made a choice to move to Cleveland.
  • The firm I worked for did a photo shoot with fish, and afterward they gave the fish to the staff. I took two redcap goldfish & named them Fish One & Fish Two.
  • Right before our move, when I was spending all of my time at work wrapping up things, Fish Two died. I felt horrible, as I felt it was because I was so busy I had neglected him.
  • The moving truck left Minnesota on May 31; we arrived in Sheffield Village, OH on June 1. Fish One road with me in the back of the car on the floor. I bought him a bigger tank as a gift.
  • My brother had a head injury in June, after cutting himself with a knife at work and passing out from the blood. I have never been so scared in my life, as he was in intensive care and in critical condition. No one knew the first 24 hours whether they would have to drill his head to release the pressure. Luckily it got better on its own and he was allowed back home a few days later. I couldn't imagine losing my brother so soon in life. I was also grateful to be in Ohio instead of Minnesota so I could actually be at the hospital so soon after it happened.
  • Brad & I struggled to find jobs. At one point I had three - a temp job with Viking Husqvarna, a freelancer bookkeeper job with a graphic design firm, and I worked at a grocery store. It about killed me, especially with my back issues. Eventually I obtained a bookkeeping position at an engineering firm in downtown Cleveland. I drove about 20 miles, took the Rapid (train) into downtown and then had a 10 minute walk in the snow/rain/high winds. I kept the freelance bookkeeping job, as the money from both was still significantly less than what I made in MN. Brad got a job with a A/V retailer that Fall.
  • For the first time, I missed Christmas Eve in Iowa. We couldn't get off work, and we didn't have the money to travel. My family sent a beautiful centerpiece so we knew they were thinking of us.
2004
  • The engineering firm I was working for was suffering financially. I worried for my job, as our department had too many staff (though most were near retirement). I was offered, out of the blue, a job with a health care consulting firm in the suburbs. One of the employees from the graphic design firm went to work there, and when the owner wanted someone who could do it all - accounting, marketing, business management, etc. - the guy thought of me and contacted me. I accepted the offer and started in April. After one day I hated it and felt I made a huge mistake. What was presented in the interview process was not reality. Though it was a group of 11 people, they were backstabbing, devious and arrogant. I could use more words, but I'll limit it to those three. There were a few great people, but the people at the top ruined the whole experience. I had never hated a job before, but I couldn't afford to leave so soon after I started, especially since it had been so hard to get a job in Cleveland. My commute was now 42 miles one-way, along Interstate 80.
  • We got another redcap goldfish & named him Norman. Fish One went around the tank ramming into him for a good hour , and poor Norman hid in the corner by a plant. But then Fish One showed Norman the ropes (including how to beg me for food by making a popping noise at the top of the tank), and after that they were awesome together. Fish One was always in charge, though!
  • Brad got a job with a A/V company that did home theater installations. He was doing sales & IT, and had normal hours. It was the first time both of us had 8-5 jobs!
  • My friend Chrissy got married in the Chicago suburbs. It was a beautiful wedding for a wonderful couple, and I was so glad we could be there!
  • My friend Maurice got married in Renaissance style. I was an attendant for him, and I was so honored! I represented "Earth", so my dress was green and in Renaissance fashion. We went there the day before to help set up in this log cabin in the woods. It was amazing and unforgettable. As all attendees had to dress up, Brad went as a monk. A big thanks to my mom for making our outfits!
  • With my job, I organized my first sales training. I also helped develop the materials and was responsible for some of the training. I also learned how to do video editing, which was a large part of the program. It was a huge success!
  • Brad & I went to D.C. for the first time since we moved to Ohio. We visited his family out there, and toured D.C. on a beautiful Saturday.
  • In December, my Grandpa & Grandma Grimm came to Ohio for a visit for about a week. It was a wonderful time, though I wasn't able to take off work during the week. One evening my Grandpa & I sat on the couch and recounted stories from years past. Later on when my Grandma, brother & mom had joined us, at one point my mom misunderstood my Grandpa and asked a really silly question. For some reason we all just cracked up for 10 minutes, tears in our eyes and barely able to breathe. I will never, ever forget that night and the words I exchanged with Grandpa. The most memorable - when he talked about the first time he met me. It was Christmas Eve, and I was 7 months old. My parents had driven from California and I was in the backseat in a car seat. Grandpa opened the door, took my little hand and said "Hi Carrie, I'm your Grandpa." I grabbed his hand back. He told me that "Even though you were too young to know who I was, I felt like you and I had a connection...and we still have that connection and always will."
  • For Christmas Eve we made it back to the farm; there is no better place to be on that day than the farm. Grandpa was there, as always, at the front door to welcome us. He was also by the door when we left - again, as always! - to give us a big hug and kiss, and to tell us goodbye with tears in his eyes but a grin on his face. It was the last Christmas I would get to experience this tradition.
2005 (the worst year)
  • My back and leg pain worsened to the point where I decided to have surgery. Artificial disc replacement had been approved by the FDA in October 2004, and the surgeons I had seen over the years recommended it over fusion. By late February it was on my schedule for May.
  • I finally quit the freelance bookkeeping job with the graphic design firm. It was time, and I was making enough money at my main job to drop it.
  • Brad & I came across a new cluster home in early April that we decided to buy. We had to close on it in less than three weeks, and it was our first home purchase.
  • We closed on our home on May 6; moved on May 7. Had Mother's Day celebration on May 8. My back surgery was on May 11, which was also my Grandpa Suntken's birthday. I took it as as lucky omen. By that time he was in his own world, so he had no clue who I was or what was going on. Still enjoyed visiting him, though, as he was almost reliving his life backwards. He often thought he was still working for Swiss Valley Farms and that my dad worked for him. My Grandpa was stuck at the "hotel" (really the nursing home), so my dad was doing the rounds for him. I remember the time my Grandpa was so upset because he said he got a call from a farmer who said my dad cut the money he was getting for dairy product. He told my dad that the farmer was a hard worker, had a large family & needed the money. I often wondered how many of these types of occurrences had really happened way back when.
  • I was home from surgery by May 13. On May 15 I went out with Brad and my family to Olive Garden for a meal, and then to Home Depot to get a few things for the house. It wasn't even a week after the surgery! It was a miracle.
  • I went back to work part time after Memorial Day. The first day I came home around 12:30. My mom was in the living room painting & Brad was upstairs. He didn't come down to greet me, so I went upstairs to him. He had been laid off work due to lack of work. The "irony" is that Brad asked his boss if he had to worry about his job before we bought the house and the guy said things were fine and we should buy it. What a jerk/liar.
  • By early June I felt normal again. I was leading, for the first time in years, a truly normal, energetic life. I felt my age, now 29. The surgery was a success...or so I thought.
  • Brad & I went to our first Formula 1 race in Indianapolis. Only six cars raced because of tire issues, so it was a rip-off/disappointment. The six cars basically used it for "testing", there was no racing. What was worse was that when we got back home I started having back pain again. This was the last time I felt "normal" - June 19.
  • In early July I went to the surgeon to determine why I was suffering with back pain. This would be a search for answers lasting over three years. No one could find anything, so I the pain injections and tests started up again with no clear results.
  • That summer my Grandpa Grimm was sick, but no one knew why. He wasn't himself.
  • In early July our basement flooded after three big rains. Turns out our footer drains were connected to the street sewer system. The builder made a change in the field and didn't document it. We lost some stuff, and the clean-up was a mess, despite the fact the builder coordinated/paid for the clean-up. We had water damage, plus a bunch of mulch, leaves, frogs and fast food containers in our basement, and the water was 12" high at one point.
  • In late July Brad got a temp job at a college in Cleveland. Luckily it turned into a permanent position.
  • At work I became involved in a new product line - medical retail clinics, such as MinuteClinic, but for hospitals to own. I flew to Minnesota & Wisconsin to research the models directly, and developed the whole process for us to sell to clients - site/partner exploration, a feasibility model,a business plan and an implementation plan with time line. I was really proud of it, and it became a big part of our business.
  • In August/September my Grandpa Suntken's health declined. He kept having mini-strokes. His mind was completely gone. He was admitted to the hospital several times and became unable to eat. He also would only say the word "No" and nothing else.
  • October 3 around 4:30pm my mom called me at work. My Grandpa Grimm was in the hospital and they thought it was leukemia. That night I had to go to the car dealership and sign paperwork to get my new car (which I couldn't postpone because my other car was 11 years old and having issues). It was a horrible, unexpected and devastating day.
  • October 4 I drove my mom to Iowa to see her dad/my grandpa. We got there too late so we waited and saw him on October 5. I had to go back home for work so I took a 6:30pm plane home. I told my Grandpa a quick goodbye, though he was so bad off that he didn't say anything back.
  • Also on October 4th Brad's sister had Zoe & Roman; our first niece & nephew. It was great to get such wonderful news despite everything else going on.
  • October 7 it was confirmed; Grandpa Grimm had leukemia. Doctors told him he had two weeks to live. He chose to go back home to the farm after he went through the last round of transfusions several days later.
  • October 8-9 Brad & I went to the hospital in Iowa. On October 9 my Grandpa & I exchanged goodbyes. I still remember what was said, but I'm not writing it here. It's personal. I was so grateful that he was having a good day, and that we had a one-on-one conversation. There was laughter, tears, hugs & kisses. I left knowing I would likely not see him again, which was devastating.
  • On November 5 I met with my dad & brother for lunch at a Thai restaurant. My mom was in Iowa with her dad (who was still alive & fighting). After lunch my dad asked if we wanted to see Grandpa Suntken, who was out of the hospital. We said yes, but when we arrived he was sleeping and snoring loudly. He sounded congested. The nurses said he had been difficult that morning, so we decided not to wake him up and left.
  • On November 6 I got a call from my mom around 6:30am. I thought my Grandpa Grimm had died; I was wrong. Instead she told my my Grandpa Suntken was admitted to the hospital in Akron & I needed to go meet my dad there. He was diagnosed with pneumonia; he could not breathe on his own and was given a respirator to see if his condition would improve. He was "asleep" the entire time; he never woke or communicated with anyone.
  • On November 10 Grandpa Suntken was taken off the respirator with my dad & brother present. I had been forced to be at work by my employer. However, it became clear he would not last long, so I was called for and drove there immediately. We sat in his room from 4pm-9pm. His stats were steady; the nurses thought it could be 24-48 hours. My dad insisted we go home and get some sleep; he would stay there. He insisted that he walk us to our cars. Adam & I told Grandpa Suntken goodbye in our own words. He was a strong, stubborn German until the end. I just walked in the door to my home when I got a call from my brother. Dad went back into the hospital and to a family waiting area where he was going to see if he could sleep for a bit. They had been paging him while he was with us at our cars. My Grandpa Suntken had passed away almost immediately after we left the room. A nurse friend of mine says that's common, that people wait to die until they are alone. My poor Dad never got to say goodbye. It was another difficult day.
  • On November 15 we buried Grandpa Suntken in Davenport, Iowa. I had written a seven page eulogy on the trip there, and I read it in lieu of having someone else read it/talk about his life. What made it 3x's harder was the having my mom's family - including my Grandma Grimm - in attendance. Grandpa Grimm was still alive, but we knew it was short lived. This would be the first of two family funerals that year. I wanted to see my Grandpa Grimm after the funeral, but Brad & I were sick and couldn't risk making him sick. We drove home the next day very sick...the trip took forever.
  • On Christmas Eve the Grimm family gathered at the farm as always, but instead of evening it started around 1pm. My Grandpa Grimm was failing quickly, we knew it wouldn't be much longer. We worried he wouldn't make it this far, but he had. He was in his makeshift, first floor room most of the time. Everyone was quiet & whispering. The mood was somber, but what he wanted was to have Christmas Eve, complete with ham, Christmas tree and gifts. We were going to make sure he had it. Before we opened gifts my uncles helped him to the couch in the living room. My aunt Krista sat by him, talking to him. It was the first time I had seen him since October. His sight was almost gone, he was thin, frail, and not himself. He did not have the twinkle in his eye or the upturned, laughing lips. At one point my aunt caught my eye and motioned for me to come over. She got up and I sat in her place. I held my Grandpa's hand and he actually held mine back - tightly. We actually had a conversation in sentences; from what I learned afterwords it appears it was the last conversation he had (he only said one-word phrases on a few occasions after that). Again, I'm not going to share what was said because it's private. However, I will say this. I find it so poignant that the first encounter I had with my Grandpa was with him holding my hand and I holding his right back...and the last encounter I had with him was the same. I sometimes find my hand in a clenched fist on a car passenger seat or on a couch, and I think of Grandpa; I like to think he's right there holding my hand. Brad, my dad & brother left for Chicago that night but my mom stayed behind.
  • December 28 at 2:30am EST I got the call from my mom; Grandpa Grimm had passed. Many of the family members were in the next room sleeping, keeping each other company. He had made it to his favorite time of year - Christmas Eve. He spent one last Christmas with the family, that was his wish and he made it. That was what he was about: family. He was filled with love and laughter, and without him life just isn't as bright. I'm so grateful to have 29 years of memories with him.
  • Brad & I drove back to Iowa on December 30 for the visitation; the funeral was December 31. I wrote a few pages about him and read them during the funeral. That evening (12/31) Brad, my brother & I went to Old Chicago in Davenport. We bought pizza and beers, and toasted to the Grandpa's. We also toasted to the end of what was our worst year. 2006 couldn't be any worse, could it?