7.29.2007

By my calculations

There were over 400,000 people who saw "I Know Who Killed Me" this weekend.

Why???

The State of Health Care

There is a huge problem with medical care in this country.

I've been dealing with spine issues since I was 16; that's 15 years. I had an artificial disc replacement in 2005, which gave me about two months of wonderful, glorious relief. After 16 months of doctors not listening to me, I finally found one who did...who realized from a 13 month old CT scan that I had two fractures at the L5 level caused by the artificial disc. By the time they did a second CT scan that number increased to three fractures. I had a second surgery in February 2007 to fuse the L5 vertebrae, but not the entire L5/S1 level.

Since the surgery I have actually gotten worse. I've seen my spine surgeon twice and two pain management docs; I've had two epidural injections, tried four anti-inflammatory medications and also some weird device thingy that pulses electric frequencies through your body. Nothing helped. The pain is now at levels that I'm having a very difficult time tolerating, and I'm about crawling out of my skin.

What it comes down to is that I have basically been discarded in the medical system. Docs are great when they know what is wrong with you, but the moment you have something a bit complex you are pushed to the side of the road. You set up an appointment. You arrive and sit in an uncomfortable chair for 60-90 minutes before the doc finally comes in. At that point the clock starts running - you have two minutes, if you're lucky. You try to give him the key points but the doc, in the interest of time, keeps interrupting you and comes to his own conclusion of what you are trying to say. You leave with nothing. No answers, no solutions. No "Here's what we should do to find out why you are experiencing pain unlike anything you've experienced in your life." Absolutely nothing but several hours spent away from work that you now have to make up.

People say that Cleveland has some of the best healthcare in the country. Sure, I suppose that is true if it is regarding heart or cancer care. Those things you can diagnose with a scan or a test. I'm glad I do not have problems in either of those areas, but I do sometimes wish I did. Then I would have answers. I would have solutions, even if it wasn't positive. I'd rather have something than "nothing".

I received a survey from The Cleveland Clinic this week regarding their Spine care. Based on the survey, it appears they are looking into block scheduling their patients. Basically, you would arrive for a 10am appointment along with other people with "similar issues." A qualified medical professional then meets with you all at once and you discuss your problem and treatment options. The survey even asks what you prefer more - waiting less than 5 days for an appointment in a group setting or waiting more than 15 days for a one-on-one appointment.

Is this what medical care is coming to? Group appointments? Can anyone say HIPPA violation? How about the part where I would be grouped with others like me - huh? Who else out there had Lyme for four years, followed up by 15 years of back issues that include an artificial disc and then a partial fusion? My guess is there are less than five people on this planet with that type of history.

I know that my medical history is unique and challenging. But why is it so darn difficult to find one doctor out there who takes a look at the big picture? It's not all the fault of the physicians. The medical system is extremely messed up and complicated. I actually work in the healthcare industry, so I see it first hand. Docs are working long hours with less pay. Fewer docs are going into the field. Medical care is at the highest demand ever. Hospitals are having a difficult time staying afloat, so they put all of their resources into the high-paying specialties - heart, cancer and orthopedics. But the thing with orthopedics is that in order to make money you have to have the surgical volume. The medical side of orthopedics doesn't put more money in the docs pocket. So, they look for people they can cut. And if they can't cut them they push them to pain management.

Even the pain management people feel the pinch. They need to do procedures such as injections to make their dollars. If all they have is a patient who needs medications they could care less. It's not going to put food on their table.

So where does this leave me? Alone and on my own. I have an appointment with an acupuncturist who is claimed to be a "miracle worker," so hopefully he'll perform a miracle for me. If that doesn't work then what will I do? Who knows. Maybe I'll go back to the crazy pain mgmt lady in Medina who wanted to pump me full of drugs and run all of these tests (so she could make her money off of me). Maybe that's what it's come to.

I know this is probably the lack of sleep and frustration of constant pain talking, but I just feel like all my future holds at this point is a life of pain. I don't want to be that person who is on disability, unable to work and on pain meds to get through a day. Yet I sometimes wonder if that is my future no matter how hard I fight it. Like "Lost" - if it's going to happen, it will happen. You might be able to avoid it through various methods, but in the end Charlie will still end up dead.

Help Me

Tomorrow one of my bosses is back from Hawaii. It's been two glorious weeks since we've had to deal with him and tomorrow that all ends.

I don't know why this idiot irks me so much. Maybe it's the non-stop lying, trying to make himself perfect and brilliant in the eyes of others. Maybe it's because he's spent the last nine months going on and on about his foot, most of it completely made up. This is a guy who has a good family, a great job (he's a partner), yet it's not good enough. He's one of those people who has not progressed beyond a six year old level. He's insecure, self-absorbed and selfish. He cannot admit a mistake or simply not knowing something. He's not that smart, yet has somehow managed to be successful in his career by surrounding himself with smart people. He has no concern about others unless it can benefit him in some way. He has to constantly look for validation and approval, and everyone around him gives it to him. He's "too important" to be spending time working on projects, yet has no skills to do other things such as bring in business or run the business. This leads to him having nothing to do, which leads to lies about how he has some emergency making it necessary for him to come in late and leave early. He is completely unproductive and causes people to be less productive through constant interruptions that can only be described as "look at me and how great I am!" talks.

It's no wonder I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. Maybe there's a chance his foot exploded from all of the "cliff diving" (his words) and won't be returning?

7.28.2007

S-Day

Last night I took B., my brother and parents to The Simpson's movie. I thought it would be good for it to be a family event. The theater was a sell out and the movie was great. They definitely took it a step further on the big screen when it comes to language and nudity, and also the graphics were pretty cool. Characters had shadows and you got a better feel of the Springfield landscape. Cool stuff. Is it dorky that I already want to see it again?

On another good note, B. came out of his procedure ok yesterday. I knew he would, but still glad it is over. There should only be one person per household who's dealing with health issues, and I'm definitely that person in this family.

7.27.2007

The Ultimate Simpson's Episode (the last of 5)

It's hard to choose a favorite episode, but here is my best attempt.

The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson - Episode 179, Season 9

The first time I saw this episode I was in love. And I realized how much I missed it since after 9/11 I have only seen it aired once. Lucky for me, B. gave me the Season 9 DVD set for my birthday a few months ago so I can now enjoy it when I please.

The premise is just what the title states - it's Homer against New York City. You have to love the set-up: Barney is chosen the designated driver at Moe's, on a night where Barney was chosen as the Duff winner of a big party thrown by Duff Man and his side-kick women. Barney, going crazy after having to remain sober, takes Homer's car and drives off, not to be seen for months. Finally Barney appears with a huge hangover and has no idea where Homer's car is. Lucky for Homer, the City of New York sends him a letter telling him his car is parked in Manhattan - which you later find is actually between World Trade Center buildings One and Two.

As it turns out, Homer had been in the NYC once before and had a horrible experience. But, they have to retrieve their car so the family hops aboard a bus to NYC. While Homer is put in charge of retrieving the car the rest of the family takes in the sights and sounds of NYC, which lends itself to an hilarious back-and-forth storyline showing how the day progressed for both sides. No surprise that Marge and the kids had a wonderful, culture-filled day while Homer struggles to retrieve his car through a series of failed attempts.

Unlike some of the other Simpson episodes where they travel outside of Springfield, they actually do not make fun of the city too much; they focus more on the people and some of the more popular stereotypes. And the biggest sign of a great Simpson's always means a lot of memorable quotes.

"Yeah, all right. Listen up, guys. The Springfield Police have told me that ninety one percent of all traffic accidents are causes by you six guys" -- Moe, talking to his barflies

"Now remember, criminals prey on small town folk like us. So if anybody asks, we're sophisticated millionaires from the Ozarks." --Homer talking to his family once they arrive in NYC

"Hey, immigrants! Beat it! Country's full!" -- Bart, shouting from the Statue of Liberty

"Send it to Jesus, uh, care of the Pentagon." -- A bum gives his address to Lisa, asking her to write him

Homer: Now what do you have to wash that awful taste out of my mouth?
Vendor: Mountain Dew or crab juice.
Homer: Blecch! Ew! Sheesh! I'll take a crab juice...

Lisa: [gasps] Mom, are those rabbits dead?
Marge: No, no, Lisa they're just sleeping, upside down... and inside out...

Bart: When I grow up, I want to be in the Betty Ford Center.
Marge: You better start saving now. It's very expensive.
Lisa: [shushes Marge] They're strapping down Liza Minelli.


7.26.2007

4 of 5 Favorite Simpson Episodes

This week has been the week of dr. appts. I've had two, B. had one and tomorrow he is having a minor procedure done at noon. And since my appointments did not go well, I have one of my top five Simpson episodes on my mind - the one where Homer is faced with a grim fact that he might not be alive in 24 hours. This is a great, classic Simpsons.

"One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish" - Episode 24, Season 2

It starts with the Simpson family branching out and trying something new for dinner at the persistence of Lisa. So, they head to a Japanese restaurant where Homer asks for the Fugu. Of course, the problem with this slimy fish called a "fugu" is that there is only a small part of the fish that is edible; the rest is poisonous. If not cut properly, the individual eating the fish will die.

With the head chef being too busy to cook it himself (his hands were already busy with Mrs. K.), his assistant cuts the slimy fish and serves it to Homer. Once the head chef finds out what happened, Homer is instantly rushed to the hospital, where it is assumed he will die from the (presumed) incorrectly cut fugu.

This leaves Homer contemplating his own life and ambitions for his final remaining day on earth. A few of my favorite parts:

1. The five stages of death - denial, anger, fear, bargaining and acceptance. When Dr. Hibert explains these stages to Homer he goes through them all in a matter of seconds.

2. Homer's list of things to do before he dies:

Dumb Things
I Gotta Do Today

1. Make list [this one was crossed out]
2. Eat a hearty breakfast
3. Make videotape for Maggie
4. Have man-to-man with Bart
5. Listen to Lisa play her sax
6. Make funeral arrangement
7. Make peace with Dad
8. Beer with the boys at the bar
9. Tell off boss
10. Go hang gliding
11. Plant a tree
12. A final dinner with my beloved family
[after consulting with Marge]
13. Be intamit [sic] with Marge
14. Watch the sunrise
3. After Homer makes it through the night and realizes he will live after all

(Homer) I'm alive! From this day forward, I vow to live life to its fullest!

(Next scene) Homer is planted on the couch, munching on pork rinds, and watching bowling on tv. The credits go up silently over Homer's TV-watching.

7.25.2007

3 of 5 Favorite Simpson Episodes

I have to dedicate at least one of my favorite episodes to a well known voice master on The Simpson's, Phil Hartman. Lionel Hutz and Troy McClure were his two most notable characters, along with a few other minor ones along the way ranging from a cable guy, the monorail guy and Bill Clinton. For this selection I'll focus on one of Phil's biggest roles - the time when Troy McClure marries Selma Bouvier.

"A Fish Called Selma" - Episode 147, Season 7
This episode was so fantastic that I keep thinking it's older than what it is. It was a great throwback to the original Simpson years when the writing was at its best.

Now to quote some of the more memorable lines....

5. (Lisa) Dad, what's a muppet? (Homer) Well, it's not quite a mop, and it's not quite a puppet....

4. Oh, Homer, that's just an urban legend. People don't do that type of thing with fish!

3. (Troy McClure) That's right boys, Troy's back from the gutter, and he's brought someone with him!

2. Oh princess faire, wilst thou grant me thine dainty hoof in marriage? (not only does McClure say this to Miss Piggy in a movie role, but also says the same line while proposing to Selma)

1.
My good looks paid for that pool, and my talent filled it with water. Hi, I'm Troy McClure, your future uncle.

7.23.2007

2 of 5 Favorite Simpson Episodes

I'm realizing that choosing the top 5 Simpson's episodes is darn near impossible. Especially because I want to be fair and try to not choose just the Homer or Bart-centric episodes. Like many others I know, it definitely took me a while to warm up to the Lisa and Marge characters, but even they have had their moments. So tonight I'm going with one of my more favorite Marge/family episodes. Sure, there's still a ton of Homer in it, but it would not be funny without him.

"The Joy of Sect" - Episode 191, Season 9
I've seen this episode more times than I can count and it's never lost its "funny." When Homer is brainwashed into joining a new "religion" - the Movementarians - it' s up to Marge and her ever unwavering faith to get Homer and the kids back on God's side. What you have to love about this episode is that almost every "religion" out there is somehow made fun of in the course of this episode. No one is perfect, and let's face it, all religions have flaws. But come on, who could possibly resist being able to hop on a space ship to Blisstonia in exchange for all of your belongings and 10 trillion years of labor?

No quotes tonight as my back pain is pretty bad today, but I will leave you with my favorite repetitive chant. And believe it or not, B. and I have actually found quite a few appropriate occasions to use this as well in normal, everyday life. You just have to love The Simpson's.

The Leader is good. The Leader is great. We surrender our will. As of this date.

7.22.2007

1 of 5 Favorite Simpson's Episode's

Like many people in this world, I can barely contain my excitement over the soon-to-be-released Simpson's film. I admit, the first episode I ever saw in its entirety was the 1993 Treehouse of Horror IV episode, but it was from that moment on that I was hooked. I made it a habit of taping every episode on VHS tapes, to the point where I actually had each tape labeled with a number and a small binder with references as to what episodes were on what tape. I believe at one point I actually had 32 tapes. Thank goodness they finally started coming out on DVD.

Though the episodes are not what they once were, B. and I still have it as part of our Sunday evening ritual. Through the course of a day it's amazing how many times you can utilize a good Simpson's quote...after all, one of the things that makes this show so amazing is how relateable it really is. Think about it.

So, in anticipation of the Simpson's film debut, I'm going to share my top five favorite episodes this week. No particular order.

King-Size Homer, Episode, #135, Season 7
This is one of those episodes that has me laughing in tears every time I see it. From the moment you see Homer hiding in the bathroom stalls to avoid five minutes of calisthenics to the point where they are hosing him off in the hole, it is one laugh after another. Some of my favorite lines:

1. To start, press any key. I don't see any "Any" key. I see "esc", "ca-tar-l" and "pig-up." Phew. All this computer hacking is making me thirsty. I think I'll just order a Tab. (he then presses the "tab" key and holds an empty glass next to the disk drive, waiting for his drink to come out) Oops, no time for that now. The computer is starting.

2. Here's your lemonade and here's your beer.

3. I don't want to look like a freak. I'll just go with the moo-moo.

4. Remember, if the paper turns clear, it's your window to weight gain.

5. Um, towel-rack.

6. Um, I've been meaning to ask you, but did you put on a little weight this week?

7. Hmmm, that's probably better it didn't hit me.

8. I don't know, fish sandwich...are you sure?

9. You ate all the tarragon and you drank all the soy sauce.

10. It says non-toxic.....

7.08.2007

Advice

A couple of weeks ago I was in San Diego for about 36 hours for business and took my boss to Fidel's in Carlsbad. B and I went there in 2000 and thought it was some of the best Mexican food we've had. Unfortunately, I was really disappointed this time. So if you're in the area, I'd try out one of the other Mexican restaurants instead.

Another word of advice - avoid red-eye flights. Completely worthless. The only good thing was that my boss was able to get me upgraded to first class, so at least I got to spend four hours in a more comfortable seat, even though I had two screaming kids behind me that kept me up the whole flight. I luckily got the day off work after my red-eye, but all I did was sleep and lounge around like a lazy-person because I had absolutely no energy. Not to mention I didn't even know where I was or what day it was. Very messed up.

Wow, it's July already?

I can't believe it's July. July 8, to be exact. Where has the time gone? I've once again been neglecting my blog. I think I'm running out of creativity. I have been writing a lot for work lately and typically when I have free time it is then the last thing I feel like doing.

So here's what's on my mind lately:

5. My grandmother from California and her husband are arriving here in Akron today. And it's not just for a visit, they are actually moving here. Their furniture is here, the place is set...about 15 minutes from our house, and about 5 minutes from my parents. I have never been close to this grandmother, mostly because she spent most of her life showing off for others and caring less that she had a family. Now things are changing, she's older, and I just don't know how I feel about the situation. For now I'm going to assume I'll see her no more than I did when she lived in California. On the other hand, maybe I should be a better person, give her a chance, and try and spend some time with her. It wouldn't kill me to know more about this side of the family. I still find myself being very skeptical, though.

4. I got a voice mail from my good friend Moe, who's been MIA since February. He's been going through a lot of changes, which included moving, new cell phone, e-mail, etc., so he basically became "missing." Now he's back, and at least I have his cell. He's a good guy, and I've now known him for almost 12 years. That's a long time for someone who moves about every 1-2 years. I'm looking forward to catching up with him.

3. We bought paint yesterday, which should cover the rest of the house. I'm not going to do the painting myself though, as I completely suck at it. (Yes, I admit my faults) So, I'm going to have Mom come by in a week or two. She enjoys that stuff and has a talent for it. I'm the best at picking out colors, she's the best at applying the paint on walls. It's a good balance. If I could have a job where all I do is pick out colors all day for various things, I'd be happy.

2. Christmas. Why I am thinking about that already? Because typically we go to Iowa (east side) for my mom's side Christmas Eve bash, which takes some planning because you have to have the air ticket, rental car, hotel room, etc. And this year we decided we are not doing that, but instead doing something with B's side. Now we need to determine whether we will spend it with his mom in Iowa (west side) or his sister's in Dallas. Once again, there will be air, car and hotel involved, so if we don't plan now we'll end up with either no airplane/car/hotel or we'll have to pay a fortune. Ugh, it's really too early for this.

1. Cancun. That is our vacation destination for late May 2008. It has been decided, and now we just need to decide where. B and I have not had a real get-away vacation since 2001, so it's about time. We're looking at a week vacation, preferably an all-inclusive resort that doesn't allow kids. Sorry, but I don't feel like dealing with kids on my vacation. All I want to do is be outside on the beach by/in the Caribbean water. Drink margaritas, eat some good cuisine, see some good sights and just R-E-L-A-X with my B. A week without connectivity to the outside world will do me good. I need to reset.