2.24.2008

Procrastinating

I'm procrastinating today. I've spent time writing people back I needed to and updating a few things on the blog, but it's still procrastinating. I should be doing work, but I'm just not feeling it.

It's just a tough time for everyone right now. I'll be glad when I'm on vacation with B in D.C. - it will help take my mind off things.

Politics

I've been avoiding and trying to ignore the political scene, but with the Ohio primary next week I'm being attacked on all fronts. TV and radio ads, articles, phone calls, mailers...you just can't avoid it. I was thinking back in January that by the time March 4 came around the contests would be decided. Boy, was I wrong!

I used to be fascinated with politics, but anymore it's so corrupt. I don't like any of the candidates. I like parts of some of them. Obama is a wonderful and brilliant orator. McCain speaks his mind. Romney had nice hair. Edwards did too. (Ok, I kid about the hair stuff!) But who do I want to be President? None of them. Which means once again I'm going to the polls to vote for the person who I dislike the least and who will screw up the country the least.

I know I'm not the only one who feels that way. Sure, there are a lot of people energized by who's in the running, but I'm not one of them. I'm of the belief that the ones who would best be suited for President would never run, because let's face it - the whole process is one big nightmare at this point. Only people with huge ego's would ever be willing to put themselves and their families through this game. It's not about who will do the best job for the people and the country - it's about who can play the game of politics the best.

All I have to say is thank goodness for TIVO and it's fast-forwarding capabilities!

2.23.2008

Trip Prep

B and I decided to go to D.C. for a four-day weekend to celebrate our 6th anniversary on March 2. We always have a great time in D.C., and it will be the first time we'll be there and not spend any of it with family. (Which don't get me wrong, it's always a fun time with B's family!) Will probably spend most of it in the heart of D.C., and maybe take a day trip to Mt. Vernon (which B hasn't seen) or Monticello. We're both looking forward to getting away and having a great time.

The one thing I'm doing this time around is trying to get a feel for good places to eat. We always end up with limited choices due to high wait times, or just choose badly. We're not talking pricey stuff every night, just good, decent food that we can't get in Ohio. None of that chain stuff, but not something that's going to put us in the hospital, either. So far I found a really good, cheap chinese restaurant that's rated the best in D.C. by almost everyone in that town, plus a really nice place near the capital for Sunday evening.

D.C. with the husband. Could it get any better?

Results...And More Waiting

Thursday night I came home and there was a message on our answering machine from my new PCP, stating she had the results of my blood work and asked that I call her back on Friday. I played the message twice, verifying it was the doc calling and not some assistant. It was the doc. It's one thing if the assistant calls - that likely means that everything is ok. To have the doc call - that means they found something. The stupid Cleveland Clinic MyChart was down so I couldn't see my test results online, so I spent the night nervously wondering what showed up.

Friday morning I went into work at my usual early time. Put in a couple of hours and then it was time to call. I got an assistant, who pulled up my record and then oddly told me to please hold. My doc was then on the line with the news. My ANA levels were high. ANA stands for antinuclear antibodies. These ANAs work against your autoimmune system and basically "attack" your body. The average ratio is 1:40...mine was 1:640. The doc was concerned about the high number and suggested that I get in to see a rheumatologist as soon as possible. Though the PCP has limited knowledge in this area, the high ANA count likely means I have some sort of connective tissue disease. The most known of this type of disease in this category is lupus, which I definitely do not have. However, there are a few others types that sound like they may be a fit. Usually this type of disease is genetic, but in my case there is no history on either side of the family.

It's tough to get medical news at work, and in the morning, because you're really helpless. I had no idea what this type of disease was, the symptoms, treatment or if there was a cure. I had about 20 minutes at lunch where I did a few searches, with little information. I also signed online to see my test results, and found out that another ANA level was also high (scored a 7.7 rating when the standard was 1.1 or lower), and my platelet count is low (110,000, when the minimum should be 150,000). This all ties in with that connective tissue disease.

After a nice dinner with B, I started to do some research. What I found is:
1. There is no way I can diagnose myself because this stuff is just too complex. I have to wait for the doc to do their thing.
2. There is no cure, only medications to help people live decent lives
3. The disease causes damage to the organs, typically making it necessary to take medications to try and prevent heart, lung and kidney damage. In the end the disease usually does enough damage to the heart or lungs that it is generally the cause of death. I'm not saying people die in their 30's, but they won't live to see 90. It sounds like even 70 would be a stretch.

There is another factor in all of this. Sometimes high ANA rates can be caused by a reaction to a chemical in the body. I have metal and silicon in my low back from two surgeries - is this a cause? I was fine until after my first surgery. I first started noticing the odd pain (outside of the pain caused by the vertebrae fractures) 6-7 months after the surgery. It then progressively got worse, to the point where I'm at now. Is it just coincidence, since this type of disease usually occurs in women in their 20s/30s...or is my body having a difficult time with one of the implant components?

So basically I have results, but yet I don't. Still a lot in the air, and a lot left to determine. I was not expecting the blood tests to find anything at all - I really thought it was nerve-related. I find myself thinking of the pain differently; I'm almost more aware of it now that I know it's cells in my body causing this, and not just nerve damage.

I think what struck me the most was a description I read about the disease last night - that it's basically the body attacking itself. It's an interesting statement, because I've often said to B that I feel like my body is attacking itself. It appears my perception might have been pretty darn accurate!

In the meantime, it's just too much to think about. So, I'm just going to continue with life. Family, work, home, play...just continue on. March 13 will be here before I know it, and I'll deal with whatever happens when it happens. No need to speculate or guess. I'm leaving it up to the professionals for now.

2.17.2008

Catching Up

Since I started my new job I've been very bad about my blog. For shame! Anyway, I'm ready to get back into it now that things have settled down. So what's new...

Work
The new job is great. There are days where I want to pull every strand of hair out in frustration, but it's really all good. It's challenging and there is a LOT of room for improvement. Once I'm done with year end stuff (which is close to being done), I can really start focusing on making some changes. I like the people and the management team, and I'm proud to be a part of it and happy I'm back. I still keep in touch with a few of my old co-workers, and of course the horror stories continue. It makes me even more grateful to be out of there.

Home
The last month we've made a lot of little improvements around the house. The biggest one was that B and my folks put up crown molding on the first floor. It looks AWESOME! While they were doing that big project I was continuing my painting in the bathrooms. Our downstairs one is completely finished and turned out great; our master bath is still a work in progress. I think B took some pictures so I'll need to get them and will post a few soon. We also got a new tv stand and a corner shelf for our living room...the house has definitely been upgraded a bit!

Family
All is good. Spent a lot of time with my Grandma B. and her husband over the holidays, and it was actually a pretty positive experience. My Dad's 60th was great and the video was near perfect. I've haven't seen my dad smile that much in a very long time. He usually mopes around on his birthday, but this year was different. He was in a great mood, and I think between the video, homemade cake (and intricate decorating), family dinner at Hyde Park and gift of new pool cues, it was a perfect day. I was glad to be a part of it.

Health
Still more bad days than ok days. I went to a new PCP on Friday, who thinks I may have some sort of neuropathy or possibly fibromyalgia. Given the research I've done, I agree with her. I like the new doc, and she appears to want to find out what's wrong. I have an appointment with a neurologist on April 30, but until then I'll continue with my standard meds in addition to a new one that will hopefully help me sleep.

Misc.
Between work, home and health, I've been pretty swamped. B and I went to Pittsburgh for a weekend getaway for his birthday, which was fun. It's a nice town, but you couldn't pay me to live there. With our 6th anniversary coming up the first weekend of March, we may do another getaway to celebrate; still need to decide where. I've fallen way behind on correspondence and such, so this week I'll need to take some time to catch up.

I better run, as I have to get up around 4:30 so I can get to work early. The weather people are "predicting" snow, so that could mean a lousy commute. Everyone have a good week!

2.15.2008

I'm back

Expect a big blog this weekend. Things have FINALLY calmed down and I'm ready to blog again.

On a somber note, I just have to send prayers to the NIU students and families. I have spent a lot of time at NIU and in DeKalb throughout the course of my life, and it's really odd to see them both center stage right now - and for all the wrong reasons. It's a really great university and town, all surrounded by corn fields. I'm proud to be a Huskie fan and hope that the powers that be can prevent this from happening again.

See you all soon.